This past week one of my best friend’s called, his girlfriend and he had just broke up, they’d been together for a few years.
We went out for beers on Monday to talk.
“We had just gotten into this routine where we’d be sitting in the apartment not talking….watching a show, or whatever….we lived together but we just weren’t connecting…..I still love her so much but we just weren’t doing anything to build-up our relationship” he said
He was clearly heart broken.
He was living with his girlfriend….but because of their lack of disconnect he might as well have been living alone.
In one of yesterday’s posts, feeling lonely came up in the comments.
Loneliness is a very real concept that millions of us struggle with on a regular basis; not just feeling lonely after a breakup, it could be after the death of a loved one, or we could have a lot of friends & family but don’t feel like any of them are really listening to us….and we feel lonely.
Two different people mentioned yesterday how much it bothered them that they can go through seasons of time where they get very little feedback via social networks from friends and family.
In extreme cases loneliness can be one of the factors in severe depression that leads to suicide.
Some people mistake loneliness as being something that people who sit at home all by themselves in dark houses struggle with…..that’s an incorrect view.
High-schoolers who are surrounded by 1500 other students Mon through Friday can struggle with loneliness.
Loneliness isn’t caused by being isolated (it can involve isolation) but rather it is related to not feeling connected.
I could be sitting in a crowded coffee house and still feel all alone.
1 in 4 people struggle with depression. Thus, if you are sitting in a crowded restaurant with 99 other customers; statistically 25 people in that room are struggling with depression.
I am married with four children. In my life it is imperative that I provide an atmosphere of connection; I want my wife and children to feel a sense of warmth and acceptance. I don’t want them to feel lonely.
Creating and building positive relationships is hard work……some days I feel like it is a full time job all by itself.
And so……..much of my life is about building memories with my family; taking the initiative to get us doing things together.
Are you in a relationship? Have you gotten into a monotonous routine?
Of course, not every marriage and dating relationship that has sunk into monotony ends in a break-up….some people live their whole life in a same old-same old relationship.
Some people never struggle with feeling all alone.
And for those people, wouldn’t it be nice if they took a few minutes out of their day to reach out to a friend they haven’t called in awhile? Maybe that friend is having a rough week and could really use a phone call or a conversation over coffee.
For you who are feeling alone…..my heart goes out to you.
Working as a counselor I was faced with very real situations where loneliness led to some drastic choices.
Like most subjects I have more observations & questions….than I do answers.
What little advice I do have is to break-up your daily routine.
Are you in a relationship? Then get out of the house. Go do something together that the two of you wouldn’t usually do.
Are you single? How do you cope when you feel lonely?
Did you struggle with feeling alone in the past? How did you overcome it?
I have gone through seasons of life where I have felt alone. Usually it was connected to me wondering what the point of my life was…questions like, “where am I going in my life?” and “is this what I really want to be doing?” plagued me day after day.
Now-a-days, I have more good days than bad……and that is a positive move forward.
The reality of the situation is that many of the elements I mentioned in this post…are things I have struggled with or had to deal with in my own life…….feeling lonely is a very real concept.
Time for a cup of coffee now!
p.s. I’ve recently started reading a newer blog by a woman dealing with the suicide of her husband…interesting reading <http://sixwordsblog.wordpress.com/>