Do you want to cuss me out too?…please take a number.

cussing christians

By Kenneth Justice

~In the last couple years I have been cussed out by three different Protestant pastors on four different occasions; one of the pastors apparently had more expletives he didn’t use the first time and he needed a second go-around to cuss me 0ut…..

Oddly enough, in each of those instances I didn’t cuss…..pretty good if you ask me…but don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not a stranger to using salty language!

Without getting lost in the murky details of protestant preachers who have hurled the F-Bomb at me….suffice to say I have found myself in situations that were uncomfortable for the cussing pastors; in one particular occasion I found a church leader with his pants down…..and not with his wife

More often than not when we cuss someone out it is usually because we feel insecure;

We feel insecure in relation to a co-worker or  relative….

….or perhaps we feel insecure due to someone having knowledge about our clandestine affair which would lead to a church scandal <wink, wink>

Ultimately, ‘feeling insecure’ can lead us to some pretty dumb decisions…

I am a father…..and one of the things I’ve noticed in raising children is that as a parent you have two choices; you can choose to make your children feel insecure around you or you can choose to make them feel comfortable around you.

Many parents wear the cloak-of-all-knowingness; that is, they act like their children are dumb and that they are so much smarter and know everything about…well...everything!

If you want a sure fire way to make your kids resent you by the time they turn 15; then act like you know-it-all.

Don’t get me wrong here….of course a parent probably knows quite a bit more than their 8 year old kid….I’m not living in a world of delusion (although the pastors who enjoy cussing me out seem to think I do)…..

But, your kids are not going to stay kids forever….they will grow up…become adults and then what; do you want to have a relationship with them that is healthy or contentious?

There is a psychological phenomenon in the Western World in which many parents (especially fathers) do not want their children (especially their sons) to supersede them in knowledge and success; this usually occurs at the unconscious level but it is very real and sad……thus; it’s important for parents who act on this impulse to disparage their children just enough…in order to keep their children down….

Of course, that kind of parenting style SUCKS! But it is real and it occurs quite regularly…..

In the context of the church I have seen this occur rather frequently also; many priests, pastors, and church leaders wear the cloak-of-all-knowingness and act as though they are more important then their parishioners; these ministers place prominence on their bible memorization and theological acumen….and do you know who gets lost in the fray? The people in the church who are actually hurting, struggling, financially strapped, and more…..the minister cares more about spending 40 hours a week in his/her study glued to bible study rather than getting out of their cave and actually getting to know the real needs of his/her congregation.

You see, if you are a parent or priest….the people around you don’t care whether you know-it-all….they really don’t.

What really matters is whether you are willing to serve; as a parent I believe my greatest responsibility is to serve my children; when my children learn something new in school and come to tell me about it…I act surprised, I say, “Wow! That is cool”….

It’s my job to sense when my children are sad, when they need to be hugged and when they need me to take them out for a walk and get some fresh air…..

Its the same in a relationship; whether its your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife; if you only look at the relationship as a way for you to get something rather than as a way for you to give something….then most likely you are headed for a breakup or at the very least you are headed for a long life of misery.

I don’t say to my children“Oh…I already knew that” when they tell me something new they’ve learned

I don’t want my children to feel insecure when they are around me.

I do want my children to feel comfortable around me, I want them to feel comfortable to talk to me about anything

As for any other ministers, priests, or pastors who want to cuss me out;

Please form one line….no pushing please, you will each get your turn to cuss at me….

While you’re forming the line….I’ll be right back…I gotta grab a cup of coffee right now…..

Kenneth



Categories: Religion

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29 replies

  1. Great post – so true…

  2. I got the finger from a really beautiful, classy looking woman driving a very expensive Mercedes SUV last week. She was tailgating me and when I moved over she flipped me the bird! It was so odd that someone who appeared so chic and high-class would be so low-brow. I just feel badly for people like that.

  3. Holy smokes… you described my father and his controlling ovrr me. Great post.

  4. Keep writing – I’ll send coffee money!

  5. Thought Martin Luther was out to break in on that Priest/Church monopoly on the Word of Him? Guess a whiff of power is intoxicating. Nice weave of parenting and Father-hood responsibilities and responses to them. A good read for the wakey-wakey hour.
    Later…

    • Coyotero,

      Martin Luther seems to have opened Pandora’s Box….there are now more than 40,000 different Protestant denominations….mainly due to the fact that Protestant’s just can’t seem to get along.

  6. Your last name just begs for a Sword of Justice reference, which is Biblical…no?
    Later…

  7. yep, yep, yep and yep! I like to say my children grew up to be wonderful adults in spite of me. And I grew up in a family where parents WERE God andGodless-like if only in their eyes. Lots of rivalry going on particularly between Dad and brother Bill. Still IS. Mom too, sort of singled me out. I believe to this day, it’s because she resents me because she was told not to have me, and she was forced into early menopause as a result. Who knows. But is a strange situation when you are always trying to outdo the other. Hard for kids to get past that.

  8. How cool getting the f bomb from a pastor. I have warned my kids how I will mess them up. I love it when my kids teach me something it makes me feel as though I am doing my job properly. I have shown them the following poem and apologised to them about the psychological damage I have caused unknowingly. Just to warn you the f bomb is dropped in the following Philip Larkin poem
    They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

    But they were fucked up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,
    Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another’s throats.

    Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
    Get out as early as you can,
    And don’t have any kids yourself.
    By Philip Larkin, © -1, All rights reserved.

    • Jackyswift,

      ha ha, I’m not sure if “cool” is what I’d say but I appreciate your sentiment…..

      the poem addresses an important point…..

      There’s a great book on the subect, I believe it is out of print now, “Raising your children with love not force” by Dr. Sydney Craig…..he addresses many of the points I was making in the article

  9. Great post, so very true! My daughter LOVES to come home and share what she’s learnt at school. She runs off her bus with a huge grin on her face, usually with something she’s created in hand, and immediately goes into a colourful recount of her day. We talk about the things she’s been taught as though we are discovering them together, I find this approach gives her confidence and our elaborations on what she’s learning help grow and expand her knowledge beyond the classroom. Once again, so great to see others who take a similar approach to patenting 🙂

  10. Great piece Kenneth. We all need a reminder sometimes.

  11. About cussing, I have found that alot of teenagers and even tweens are cussing.

    One example I have, at Disneyland. I had just exited the Buzz Lightyear ride and was in a line to see the on ride photo. This teen girl, about 15, butts in front of me leading her family of 5 behind her. I tell her there is a line and I was in it. She follows with “I don’t F-ing care, what is your F-ing problem…” on and on she went. Her father was standing right next to her doing nothing but looking embarrassed. I took my then 5 year old son and walked away. Needless to say, we did not see our on ride photo that day.

    I notice that teens just drop bad language in regular conversations. Now I only cuss when I’m over the top mad but it takes alot to get me to that point. I think its vulgar to cuss in regular conversation.

    • Claudia,

      I have mixed feelings on the subject…..20 years ago I would say that yes, cussing in public situations should definitely be off limits….but cuss words have lost their voracity; they just don’t mean what they meant back in the day…. that’s what happens with words..they evolve.

      If I say, “How the hell are you” to a friend now-a-days…it isn’t a big deal whatsoever….but back in the day you wouldn’t talk like that….

    • You are right and that is kind of what I’m talking about. When I say I hear teens (especially in Disneyland where I see hordes of them the most), cussing…I don’t mean they are saying “how the hell are ya!” They are out right saying the F and S bombs every other word.

  12. Perfectly said. True leadership is about being a servant–NOT about how much you know. Isn’t that what Jesus did? He loved and served and anticipated the needs of the people. Rather than separating Himself, He went out of His way to build relationships. I love how you applied this to parenting. As a new(ish) parent and the kid of a father who suffered from the know-it-all parenting style, I’m realizing that it is right for me to say “I don’t know” when I don’t and to express awe and wonder when my children do. So much of life is about being available and loving, not about being right or knowledgeable.
    Thanks for sharing!

  13. In regard to the Pastors you spoke of, it is sad to hear stories like this, because it is that kind of hypocrisy in the church that keeps people from going. As for the other topic, I completely agree with you about how we should raise our children. I was always taught that we should want our children to have greater success than we as parents have had. We should want more for them and this can only happen with constant encouragement and praise for what they do and learn. Thank you for this excellent post.

  14. Great writing and oh so true! 😉

  15. Great post: totally share your thoughts on parenting.

  16. Super post! So many good points it’s hard to choose. Keep it up!

  17. Excellent post!! All your points are so true, so valid, lol, I don’t know which one to comment about!

  18. Everything you said is true. I think we become parents because at some point we prayed, consciously or unconsciously, “teach me humility”, even if we refuse to take the lesson as it comes.

  19. I dont usually read commentary/opinions but this one is excellent. I am shocked at those clergymen! What examples are they setting for us. God must shrink at their potty mouths. 🙂

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