Women With No Nipples & Sex in Church: I’m Gonna Get Hell For This

sex and church

by Kenneth Justice

~I am fortunate that our blogging system here tells me what search phrases people are using to find my website, interestingly enough not a day goes by that someone doesn’t find my website by searching for “Sex in Church”….

I’m not sure what that says for me and my articles but it definitely demonstrates my creativity in tagging them!

Yesterday I was quite amused to find this search phrase that someone used to find my website, “Women who are nude with no nipples”… I typed it into Google Search but The Culture Monk didn’t come up, I suppose they must have used Yahoo or Bing or something else…..

Let’s cut to the chase; people in Western Cultures think about sex….and that is perhaps the most underwhelming statement I’ve made in recent weeks….

Sex is everywhere; the mall, billboards, magazines at the grocery store, television commercials, sex, sex, sex, sex sex…….

But there is one place it is missing; C-H-U-R-C-H

When you are in church, mentioning “sex” is like saying the word BOMB at an airport terminal….watch out cause the authorities are going to come running….

church steeple

Yesterday I was quite amused to find this search phrase that someone used to find my website, “Women who are nude with no nipples”

I grew up in a Protestant church, and Evangelicals (by ‘Evangelical” I am usually using it in the conservative American Christian sense) don’t like to talk about sex…..in fact, if we merely went by the conversations that you hear at church; you would think conservative Christians never even have sex!

However, since all those conservative Catholic and conservative Evangelicals often have families of 8 and 9 children….there is definitely a lot of action going on behind closed doors.

Last year conservative Christian pastor Mark Driscoll co-authored a book on marriage in which he said he didn’t really see a problem with anal sex if married couples were into that kind of thing…..

Driscoll’s little statement sent shockwaves through conservative Christian circles and many Evangelical’s were outraged by what he had to say.

Although I’m definitely not endorsing Mark Driscoll or his  church ….I admire Driscoll’s openness toward talking about sex. A simple search of Driscoll on YouTube will bring up dozens of videos in which he is talking about sex interactively with the audience at his church in Washington State.

Driscoll is an outlier when it comes to the subject of sex and church; he doesn’t represent what is typical when it comes to religion or Christianity in Western Culture.

I have often thought that sex is one of the reasons Christianity has become more irrelevant to American culture; to ignore a subject that so many people think and talk about removes you from relevancy in people’s minds.

Imagine if all I ever blogged about was Ancient Mayan civilization; it might be interesting for a minute….but eventually I would see my views and visitor count dwindle down to practically nothing…..

We want to read something that relates to our lives….something that we can connect to…..something that helps us see ourselves or our experiences in a relatable manner.

While I try not to talk about my frustrations with Western Christianity to the point of boring my readers…..here in Western Society, Christianity has effected all of our lives to some degree; whether you grew up in a Christian home, whether you’re Muslim, Atheist, or Hindu….Christianity has been such a dominant form in our culture that, bad or good; it has in some way effected our lives.

Sadly, it seems the stories I am hearing more often these days are the different ways Christianity and the church has hurt people…..while we can quickly say, ” REAL Christianity won’t hurt people’s lives”….such paradigms don’t help individuals who have suffered emotional and psychological pain from Church splits, ministers who are control freaks, sex abuse in the church, and church cultures that are so far removed from every day life that it has caused their church members to feel isolated from reality…..

Perhaps you who are reading this, are a causality of the negative elements of Western Christianity and the church…..my heart goes out to…I wish I could hug you…..

For now, its time for a cup of coffee,

Kenneth



Categories: Religion

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57 replies

  1. I grew up in a Baptist church and my experiences are similar to those you mentioned. My church sold out to one way of thinking; they weren’t open to talking about sex, drugs, or rock and roll except in the context of saying ‘don’t do it, don’t listen to it’….

    it was difficult being a young woman in that environment because I lived in world that was nothing like the church I attended.

    Like you said, sex was everywhere and my church did nothing to talk to me about it and really they just made me feel ashamed to even think about sex.

  2. I like simplicity and the simple fact is that if we ignore sex, we are ignoring life itself. That any church or religion is unwilling to discuss that which promotes the continuance of the human race is puritanical, prudish and, overall, just a silly left-over gnosticism.

  3. I agree that sex is everywhere except the church. It’s a good point you bring up.
    I’m only 22 but a few years ago I met with my pastor (I go to a non-denominational church) and told him I was strugling with wanting to sleep with my girlfriend. He prety much just said “don’t do it” and that was the end of the conversation, he never checked back with me and he never brought the subject up with me after that. I ended up sleeping with her adn we are still together. We’re not married yet but prolly won’t be for awhile because neither of us can afford a wedding since we’re both in college.

  4. I suppose this is why the Bible states that many will fall away from the church in the end times. Many supposed believers make so many major public blunders – all this does is make believers look like morons and by default, slap Christ on the face. Sickening.

    • John, good point

      one of the things I am always trying to do is to demonstrate that I can be a christian without being afraid of sex and talking about real subjects that people actually care about…

      I can also love people whether they ever become a christian or not and I can accept them for who they are and where they are in life….

      my love and friendship isn’t dependent on whether someone believes the way I do…

      to me that is the type of person Jesus was; he was more interested in loving people, caring for the poor, feeding the hungry, and he spent NONE of his time thumping bibles on the head of people who had differing beliefs…..

      although he definitely wasn’t scared of calling the religious leaders out on their hypocrisy’s!

    • Agreed, and your last paragraph had me envision Jesus turning tables over in the synygog. <– spelled wrong. 😉

    • I think what the church needs to remember is the fact that God created sex, it originated from him, so if the church does not talk about it, then who will/should?
      Hoping the people that needs this see it.

  5. It is interesting how much of the Bible you have to ignore or suppress to avoid discussing sex. The Bibles in the Bible belt must have a high percentage of their pages torn out.

  6. I am GRATEFUL that ‘religion’ wasn’t forced down my throat growing up. There was enough guilt being wielded about my house. 🙂 But this makes me think of the men I have chosen as mates. They came from very strong religious-based families believe it OR NOT! Two were nice Catholic boys, Catholic schools, alter boys….mom went to church EVERY DAY of her life. Reb comes from a very strong pentecostal background, brother is a preacher. Gospel is sung at family gatherings. They speak in tongues in public. . Now that’s scary! Good men though, you know? BUT also plagued with their own demons. I’ll spare you my thoughts about this BUT whewwwww…….All I can say is that I am glad that REB broke free of all that for the most part. Masqua said it best. “If w ignore sex, we are ignoring life itself’ Another thought-provoking post Kenneth. Thank you.

  7. Sex as a taboo topic turned the wedding night of two virgins into a nightmare…….(once upon a time)

  8. haha, awesome! Women who are nude with no nipples. It brings about 24 million results. Craziness !

  9. “The existence of God, I discovered one day, is not a problem. Whether he exists or not doesn’t affect us; in the slightest, and there is no reason to worry about something that doesn’t affect us. But religion on the other hand does affect us; it stuck its pointed nose into even the most hidden depths of our lives. Like an invisible policeman, it had tried to keep our existence under surveillance, to regulate with its cruel, cold, hypocritical logic. As Jupiter castrated Saturn, so the church has tried to castrate all of us.” Francisco Rebolledo

    Truer words have rarely been spoken.

  10. My opinion: linking sex with marriage has done more harm to the social fabric than any other concept. I’ll go pour myself another coffee, too! xoM

  11. Lesson I learned: I need to write more about sex.

  12. I live in the literal Buckle of the Bible Belt as a teen counselor at a structured academic school. These kids are on their last stop before being jailed for years. And business is booming. The average age of their first sexual event is usually around 12-13, first joint they smoke around the same time. For me, it’s a question of playing “what’s in the big red box?” The more we don’t talk about this stuff, the more curious kids will get. I’m sorry to say the church I was going to ruined my first marriage, but fortunately after a lot of time away from church, my second marriage is the most amazing thing ever.

    • Jen,

      So sorry to hear about the church and your first marriage…..sadly your experience is beginning to be far to typical these days….have u written about that first marriage on your blog somewhere?

    • In some ways, yes. The names are changed to protect the guilty (and we were BOTH extremely guilty)

      Right now, my blog is more based on my second marriage and how we’ve both dedicated to making it work. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it at all, but I’m trying to stay moderately focused. Although, if anyone asks me a question, I’ll go into as much detail as they want.

  13. the church does need to get with the times that’s for sure. it’s kind of amazing to me how the church is much like parents who refuse to talk to their kids about certain topics like sex and drugs (not all parents who refuse to talk to kids happen to be church goers though im sure there is a correlation). i suppose it’s a great analogy – the church (the parent) refuses to talk to it’s “kids” (parishioners) because it’s “inappropriate.” well so much for being inappropriate – the refusal to talk about such things often backfires and it’s to the ruin of many not just one. i don’t understand how folks don’t get that education is power – well on second thought, maybe they do. there could be an argument that people prefer for others to be uneducated because they’re easier to control (though i guess i’ll be getting into a whole different topic/argument with that one). anyway – as per usual – great thoughts! and that’s hilarious about the nude women and no nipples. i would wonder about people’s minds but i think that is one where im better off not knowing. 😉

    • Jen,

      Right on.

      One of the reasons I believe churches should take a more active role in talking about these issues is that other than schools, churches are really the only other major institutions that exist to help families out; this isn’t meant to discredit social services, and social workers, but large groups of people don’t sit down to listen to social workers preach a homily each week…..thus the church has a perfect platform to start dealing with the things that matter most

  14. I grew up in a Southern Baptist church, and sex was definitely a dirty word. The only time anyone talked about it was to promote the youth group’s abstinence program…that is until the preacher’s daughter and her best friend got pregnant “out of wedlock” at the same time.

  15. I’m a cradle catholic. I COMPLETELY agree with stormy1812 in that education is power. Why ignore something that is SO pervasive in our society. I would rather my children get it from a reliable source than some TV show.

    That being said, I appreciate your willingness to write about this. I think it’s VITAL that we begin talking about it. Even if it’s metacommunication about talking about it.

  16. I’m very thankful that in every screwed up church – there’s always at least a handful of spiritual people that are true followers and demonstrate unconditional love. Granted, some of them, and many of you here may not agree with who I love in this world and commit to spending my life with – but Christ didn’t demonstrate hatred or exclusion of those that wanted to hear. He didn’t pick a topic of concern and go on a rampage. He wanted only for all to know God (John 17:3). I’m not trying to preach here.

    When I was a kid my Mom withheld all forms of sugar because she had considered herself a “fat” kid and didn’t want the same for me. It made it all the more part of my rebellion or freedom seeking when I grew. Same goes for alcohol and sex. I wish more people could be faithful without disrespecting the faith, struggles, or differences of others.

    My pal acannawupaz recently started blogging (http://acannawupaz.wordpress.com/2013/04/19/church/) and shares a great true story that perfectly illustrates Culture Monk’s words, “church cultures that are so far removed from every day life that it has caused their church members to feel isolated from reality…..”

  17. As always…intersting reading! Just wanted to let you know that I have nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award…kudos! Here’s the link:
    http://heresnews.wordpress.com/

  18. On “Naked women with no nipples”: Oh, MAN, I have a GOLDMINE hanging from my chest! One boob with a nipple and one without!
    I am a walking fantasy land….PLUS the one without the nipple was plopped up there from my abdomen. Darn thing actually looks better then the real one. Let me tell you, “breast lifts” have about 15 inches of scars to achieve the effect. Amazing what medicine can do nowadays. Ok, this was slightly off topic, although I wish I had the bravery to photo my boob and put it on my site, as one really cannot find “home-made” boobs on the net, and the ones’ that I did find are horrifying. As an educator, I feel this is a big hole for women searching for after pictures.
    Why must bodies be ONLY a source of a sex high, except for us medical people, (who see enough in one day to quench the basest lustful thought)?
    Oh, and PS: my unit once cared for a little girl who had 14 siblings living in 2 rooms. Our social worker said, “How do you think IT is done?” I replied, “Well, of course they don’t SCREAM”. I had to leave the room with my hand slapped to howls of horrified laughter… 🙂

  19. There are those who are making inroads in the church on the topic of sex. Doug Wilson, while having other problems, has come out and said that we are basically sexual beings and when it comes to dating, men are either going to have sex in God’s ordained manner, marriage, or outside of marriage. But just the fact that he was willing to say that has made it easier for me to talk about it from the pulpit when the topic comes up.

    But on the other hand, those of us who are Christians should not stoop to the level of base humor and stories when it comes to sex. Sex is given to us by God. It is a gift, it is when it is abused that problems arise. Well, enough from me…

  20. I’m a Christian living in Australia, so I don’t know the scene in the US. What direction can you see the church heading in over there? What is the dominant mindset of US Christians, and is that changing?

    From what I see on TV and the Internet and wherever else, US Christians seem very fundamental, and rarely critical or open in thinking about what they actually believe in. I assumed that’s probably just what filters through the media, but how close is it to the truth?

    • Jacob,

      Great questions…..I couldn’t begin to fully address them in the brief context of this thread…..my website is devoted to Western Culture and because Christianity is such a dominant element of western society I address it frequently…..there are so many facets connected to a proper response to your questions that I will only say one thing here;

      If u ask your questions to an evangelical, and a roman catholic, and a baptist, and an atheist, and a Presbyterian, and a fill in the blank, each one of those Americans will likely give you radically different responses and that is my response; many different people in America do not view things the same way and there are lots of people living in different realities from each other…….

      You are on the right track with your observations though 🙂

    • Great point, thanks for the insight!

  21. very interesting article 🙂

  22. Hey there Kenneth, what a thought provoking article here. What I enjoy most is you reaching out to people who have been hurt by the church… I hope they could see how much our hearts hurt for them. Blessings Brother

  23. I love your posts. Always thought-provoking, and in this case make me grateful I was not raised in any church. Congratulations to conservative Christian pastor Mark Driscoll for keeping it real. Whether or not that’s anybody’s thing, it makes me feel better to know he’s saying what’s on his mind. You, too, for that matter. Well done.

  24. I had no religious background growing up and was first exposed to a group of fundamentals in the town I moved to with my family. Universally these people said one thing and did another. Repression always breeds rebellion, i just don’t understand why so many generations haven’t figured it out.

  25. My brother suggested I might like this blog. He was totally right. This post truly made my day. You can not imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks! bag

  26. Gandhi said once,”I like your Christ very much; it is your Christianity I have a problem with. It is so unlike him.” I loved your piece will get on the email posting. I am going to try putting some outrageous tags on my posyts and see what shit stick.>KB

  27. Ok, I wrote a reply to this a few minutes ago and it disappeared as soon as I was asked to log in, so if this is redundant, please understand in case it reappears! Good stuff here! I grew up in the church until I grew out of it in my 30’s. When I began to ask relevant questions of the clergy, I quickly understood that asking was not allowed apparently. Blind faith was though. I was accused of worshiping the devil for asking though. I was in an sexually abusive marriage and went I went to the pastors for counseling, I was told to stick it out, try to avoid getting hurt and sleep in another bedroom while I prayed for his soul until one of us died. The one pastor that did inform me I was a battered wife was quickly dismissed from the church for being too liberal soon after we began our conversation as to my next step of getting out of the marriage as fast as I could. I left the church and my marriage after so many years, converted to Judiasm, moved to Isreal and back, eventually went on to more metaphysical ideas. Now I’m just digging on the beautiful mystery of it all, pretty much done with all the dogma which runs rampant throughout believers of all kinds. I have no exact definition for god except that I kind of think we are all part of the greater whole, each one of us a thread in the fabric of everything that exists, and the only thing holding it together is love. I had a near death experience while lying on my deathbed gravely ill about 18 years ago–obviously I’ve recovered, but my life has never been the same since. I met someone or something out there while dying made of pure light and all I say is that it was total and complete love that human language can never touch. —- As a side note, my ex husband (the father of my very grown up child) has made amends a thousand times over, and I am happy to report we are excellent friends now.

  28. Geesh! I think I had a few typos in my post! Sorry!

  29. Thank you for the follow. I can’t wait to read more of your blog. The reads seem to be amazing and humorous.

  30. I love your freedom of expression! LOL…You certainly caught my attention with this title! smile…Over a year ago, I felt the urge to attend a Liturgy and went to the 8 AM Mass because I figured it would take less time—how bad is that? LOL In any case, I am 63 and everyone at the 8AM Mass was OLDER than me! What does the obviously closeted priest speak about? SEX! He preached to us about the sin and depravity of sex in our culture and rap songs! And how we should NOT listen to that type of music! I live in the countryside—I think Polka music was the wave for these people—I wonder if half the people knew what “rap” was…Just wanted you to know that in 2012 Sex was spoken about in a Catholic Church! LOL…there is much I could say about this……but another time…..interesting article! By the way, I come from a family of eleven…my Mom would get very hostile and is probably hostile with YOU right now for IMPLYING that all she and Dad did was have sex…She said it wasn’t so…–and, in fact, advised young people constantly that IF they wanted a child, they should “hold off and not do it every night and they would get results!” SO there! LOL I love my Mom so much…she died at the age of 94—three years ago. She was an amazing woman!

  31. All the above. Funny! I missed out on the heavy religious guilt stuff as a kid-well, the guilt was there but that was the norm. It’s weird because I like angels, saints, and all that. My bio family of origin were totally atheist. Didn’t start “praying” until my own kids were teenagers and one of ’em rolled a car. It landed upside down facing the other way on the highway. Nobody hurt. Now I can’t stop….praying, that is. ;\ Country kids always know about the sex. Or do they?

  32. Ha oh man first off, the mere fact that people find your blog based off those search words makes me want to follow just to see what else you have.

    But sadly I agree. I grew up in a very conservative christian environment and the topic of sex was essentially akin to the devil. I hated myself for any thoughts on sex while going through puberty and that is something that no one needs to deal with.

    That being said I did eventually come to learn that isn’t the normal (or at least it shouldn’t be) so I was able to move on from those feelings and that hurt. I feel the church tends to forget that actions speak louder than words. Anytime even well meaning Christians try to help someone they go straight to christianese and mentions of Jesus. They assume that their words will help, but people don’t need to hear religious antidotes they just want someone to care or to talk to. ha i could go on an don with my complaints on the church so I shall stop. Great post though.

  33. Since deciding that I was an Atheist, the world has made much more sense, and incredibly less hypocritical without religions of any sort. Including concluded that I had been an Atheist for a long time, I just didn’t admit it to myself while trying to rationalize my (Catholic) upbringing.

  34. What are 500 Indians without nipples in a flatbed truck called? The Indiannippleless 500. (Bad, huh!)

  35. Well…. Reality is that no human is capable of understanding things outside their own experience…. So… people who are not Christians… or even those who belong to a different denomination… really cannot understand the REALITY of others….

    Yet… we all feel more than comfortable… even confident… proclaiming our judgment….

    Most people didn’t talk about sex up until about the 70s at least. In church or out of church… didn’t matter…. Wasn’t considered proper.

    Hypocrisy. People outside the Church think they are better and freer than those inside the Church…. And some Churchy people sure are hypocrites….

    I don’t really know how much credence to give Heaton’s study on marital satisfaction, but he reports that homogamous Christians are claim the highest satisfaction….

    The truth is… very few people seem capable of discussing sex using any terms other than euphemisms….
    Most men don’t understand female anatomy… and many women are even more ignorant…. That really has little to do with religious mores.

    But… to your point…. My second wife was clear that she would not willingly participate in anal sex… which is not prohibited in Scripture…. Yet she divorced me… which is prohibited…. So… seems likely… Christians… even Conservative Evangelical Christians… and more likely to act based on the Pleasure Principle and Reality Principle that according to the tenets of Scripture…. And religions ofter have extra-biblical mores… that men just stick in… I guess to control others…. For uniformity….

    Being a virgin marrying a virgin didn’t ruin my first marriage. Marrying a woman who was still in love with her first husband and married me for money was a much bigger issue….

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