You’re Such A !#%@ — insert expletive

your such a

 

~by Kenneth Justice

How do you deal with criticism?

If there is any universal subject that people all over the earth face at some point, it is having to deal with difficult people;

–> People who criticize us

–> People who try to tear us down

–> People who try to shatter our dreams

–> People who don’t like something about us so they go on the attack

Sometimes it is our immediate family who are the ones that try to tear us down, sometimes it is our friends, and sometimes it is our co-workers.

It is one thing to deal with disappointment when it is something beyond our control; we are planning on a drive to the coast and the car breaks down ruining the day…..

Okay, we can deal with that, its not like someone intentionally sabotaged our automobile trying to ruin our day….unless maybe if you are a secret agent or something…..


But
, its a lot harder to stop thinking about that co-worker who made fun of you in front of the boss, the best friend who said, “It looks like you’ve been putting on a little weight”, or the relative who says, “You’re such a know-it-all, why can’t you be a better person?”

When people criticize us it bites right down into our skin….

Whether their criticisms have any truth in them or whether they are completely full of falsehood…..it never feels good to be criticized.

Failure is another thing that is tough to get past; you go in to interview for that dream job and you thought you presented yourself so well in the interview but afterwards the interviewer says, “thanks for coming but I just don’t think you would be a good fit with our company”

When people turn us down….

When people criticize us…..

It can have an immediate effect on our psyche…on our emotions.

Last year I sent query letters out to 21 agents for a non-fiction book I’d written….2 months went by and I received 21 form letters, “thanks, but no thanks” each of them said…..

When I was younger, 21 form letter rejections would of been devastating…..fortunately I am older now and the experienced only strengthened my resolve to keep writing……and it paid off. Later this month my first novel will debut thanks to a Indie publishing company that is willing to take a chance on a first time writer like myself…..

This Website of mine is another source of criticism and rejection that comes my way……

While I am so thankful for all of the kind comments that my readers post…..

I definitely get my share of hate-emails….which I usually don’t make public as its not my intention to ‘go to war with those who don’t like what I say’…..

I read some of the criticisms and I think to myself, “This person completely missed the point of the article I wrote” or “Why are they so closed minded that they can’t see what I’m trying to say”…..

My initial reaction when I get readers who attack me is to be defensive…..so that is why I rarely send emails back to those people….Its not that I don’t value their criticisms…its because I don’t want to be that person who comes of as a defensive arguer…..I try to let my articles stand for themselves….and I am thankful that there are some people out their who appreciate what I have to say…..

The other day someone made a comment on one of my articles and they said I was, “Ridiculing” people who didn’t share my view……was I? Comments like that make me pause and wonder….

Criticizing in its classic sense is okay; analyzing ideas, situations, and people is a good thing to do….

But, I want to be careful that I don’t become the person who is unfairly criticizing people….

Otherwise….I would have to write a critical article about myself and you know how I can’t stand people who criticize me!

Fortunately, I can smell a fresh cup of Veronna brewing…time for a coffee break!

Kenneth

 

 

 

 

 



Categories: relationships

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

33 replies

  1. Kenneth,
    I think people’s comments speak mostly about them – their view on the world, and how they react to thoughtful observations like yours.

    I recall the comment that said you were ridiculing someone – I didn’t see it that way at all. I saw it as an observation you made about someone who was not respecting other people’s boundaries.

    I have had negative reactions to my words a few times and I try to pause and think about how to respond. Sometimes I do, but more often now I don’t, as I see no reason to validate someone’s late night often-drunken rant.

    You keep on doing what you do and let others’ reactions take on their own life.

    Rhan

    • Rhan,

      People like yourself make it worthwhile for me to deal with all the negative comments…thanks!!!

      this post actually was just my way of psyching myself up for next week’s roster of articles I’ve written which are sure to incite some of my naysayers 😉

      p.s…..I’ve gone on your website a few times but maybe I keep missing it…where can i download/purchase your music???

    • Aw, thank you.
      I am not sure which website you may be going to – but http://www.altared.com is where you will find my Altared Christmas CDs… (I don’t have anything else recorded right now). But better than that – why don’t you message me your address and I will send you something. My email is rhanw@rhanwilson.com

  2. I second what Rhan said :). I love your posts because they are so thoughtful. It should be obvious to anyone who really reads your posts that you carefully consider your words. But there are people who will read into your words whatever they want. They are not interested in engaging in dialogue, and they are not worthy of your response.

  3. One of my favorite little people once said, “Some people are just yucky.” —–Chagall

  4. I haven’t gotten any rude comments YET, or hate e-mail YET. Thanks for preparing me – I’m sure my day will come. I think you’re awesome and I’m always interested in what you have to say. Anybody who isn’t should just quietly unfollow in my opinion. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, and congratulations on your book!!!

  5. Who mwah, criticized? NEVER, been a prob! Yeah right! lol. I am told I have a low tolerance for criticism. My husband says I always have to be right, but I beg to differ with him. I think that comes from his own insecurities. He has very little control growing up so he likes to exact it now, with me and I rebel against that. I will always entertain valid rants. Even if rant is ablout my own “FEW” shortcomings.( lmbo) God knows I’m imperfect but there’s a big difference between constructive ‘advice’ and plain ole meaness AND Plain ole meaness is unacceptable in my book! 🙂 Once again, GREAT post! .

  6. First, congratulations on getting your book published! Second, I believe the saying that people, to a very large degree, dislike in others what they see in themselves. With that in mind, remember that this is what they will focus on, to the point that they blow it out of proportion. How that helps I have no idea, other than to tell you that the problem they have is with themselves.
    Keep up the great work! 🙂

  7. criticism can be a very good thing… I’ve had people criticize certain ways I use to write and I found I couldn’t explain why I was doing some things in writing for example over use of uppercase as in the old German poetic fashion… I had no particular reason for doing this and didn’t even realize I was actually doing it until it was brought to my attention…I listen to criticism but when it crosses over into something personal I discard it completely because quite frankly this is not criticism but an attack… Criticism isn’t about tearing someone down, or ripping them a new asshole it’s about teaching someone how to improve…

  8. Everyone “hears” what they are able to “hear.” While we do our best to write thoughtful, and thought-provoking, posts, we have no control over how our message is received. And that’s okay. Trust that while it may not have been received in the way you intended, it was received as it was needed to be received. Since you have no control over how your material is received, there is also no need to engage. Just my opinion. Congratulations on your persistence and publication of your book! xoM

  9. congrats and good luck with the book.

  10. You can’t please all of the people all of the time. Some just like a good argument….glad you decide not to give them one. Keep on keeping on! 🙂

  11. not being the most technically minded person in the world, I didn’t realise what blogging was when I started doing it. I kind of saw it, and still do, as a kind of daily scrapbook/ diary. I was really surprised when peoples’ faces started popping up haha! I just think it’s plain rude when people say unpleasant stuff – like they’re interrupting my private space. But, of course, this is the Internet and anything goes. I always try to think ‘would I say that to that person’s face?’ before I write something. I guess we can only act from our own place of integrity/ authenticity…. Can’t do much about other people 😉

  12. Criticism or unwanted advice? Either way you can take it on the chin and deal with it, or you can look at it and think ‘actually in their blunt fashion they kind of have a point’
    I haven’t followed you for long but I do like what you write and the way you write it. Looking forward to reading more 🙂

  13. so you must have known that i just blew out a tire after having seen my friend in LA last weekend… again you just seem to know what’s going on in my world lol its just creepy/funny. anyway – yes there’s constructive criticism and then destructive. i’ve never been a fan of the latter and the former can be tough when you’re not ready for it or are already having a tough time. as for those who miss the point – well if you ask me one of two things happens there: they either see what they wanna see and respond to it or they didn’t read the post correctly. when i read people’s comments on news articles its amazing the ignorant comments that are made – i say – um hello the answer to your question or comment is at the top, middle or end of story – did you not see it??? it truly amazes me what people DON’T see when reading. im sorry there have been rude folks but i applaud you for taking it so well and most importantly not giving into them. there’s a reason that phrase “misery loves company” was coined. negative people have to have more negativity around them so they try and bring others down. its pretty sad. good luck with the book! i’ll be looking for it when it’s out. 🙂

  14. You get hate mail? Good grief, what a HUGE compliment. That said, I am an avid reader and can’t recall a single time I’ve found you offensives towards others … opinions, beliefs or selves. You’re entitled to YOUR view (and I generally find them well considered and insightful), you usually state the stance from which you write and often question your own views and perspectives to. I don’t see that as a basis for an offensives writer. Where you do take issue with something, I’ve always considered it to be your right to express a view which I’ve seen you discuss with people of sufficient intellect to debate. I can only assume the others are idiots … and those who unlike yourself, are completely unable to accept criticism or a view differing from their own.

    For my two ‘penneth Kenneth …. as you were soldier. Carry on.

    And congrats on the publishing deal! 22 and in print? HUGE success 🙂

  15. I think I was criticized by the doctor who delivered me and it never stopped 😉
    Ok, slightly kidding but they’re always there somewhere, it’s taken me a looooong time to decide I don’t care anymore, no matter what I do it’s gonna piss somebody or other off to which I now say (in my head only cause i’m a chicken) “thank you for your gift of anger/hate/criticism/etc but I refuse to accept it” or something like that. Then I take out my revenge in the form of fiction 😉

  16. I didn’t know you were a writer. 🙂 congrats. You know, sometimes I read stuff on WordPress that is so wrong that I have to leave a comment. But most of the time I just keep my thoughts to myself (especially when it comes to religion, politics etc) Not worth to argue about stuff like that on here..
    Also I totally agree with wildinvirgina!
    Good luck with the book!

  17. I think it’s a really sad side effect out of new digital age, the fact that people feel like they can say whatever they want because they are sitting behind a computer, not saying it to your face. I have basically stopped using Facebook because the negativity was really getting me down, even though Facebook is the primary way I stay in touch with overseas friends.
    Now for the flip-side of technology…you have to read this story about English boxer Curtis Woodhouse who discovered the address of the guy who was trolling him. The boxer turned up at the troller’s doorstep looking for an apology…I absolutely love this story. Thanks for sharing yours.
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2013/mar/12/english-boxer-curtis-woodhouse-twitter-troll

  18. Absolutely a compliment – you’re reaching people. And getting under their skin and forcing them to justify their hard held views. Sure they have the right to hold onto them but when people resort to attacking either a person or their view, it’s generally because they’re unable to genuinely articulate their own. Even the most uneducated, learning disabled or mentally challenged person becomes adept at advocating strongly held beliefs as I’m sure you’ve observed with clients. Those who resort to attack or blind repetition have often lost sight of what was a weak arguement to begin with. Or are simply afraid to re-evaluate and the day you do that is the day you concede a lack of courage in your own convictions.

    At the very least, even if you can’t get people to think, bigots to repent or ignoramuses to develop, in the time they’re wasting trying to engage you, they’re not attacking someone else or causing harm for that amount of time lol As I always say, if they’re slabbing me off, they’re leaving someone else alone! These days I only offend stepkids … how ineffectual and sidelines I’ve become. I used to only have to wake up to piss someone off. Ah….good days…..

  19. You are nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. I think your blog is inspirational and I love your photos/stories! Find the rules at my blog for accepting http://363photos.wordpress.com/2013/05/11/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

  20. Yes, I’ve seen some posts lately by people tearing down other bloggers and their methods to success and the like. It’s rather sad that people feel the need to criticize, judge or blatantly slander and put others down. Criticism is never easy to swallow but when stated with thought and care it can be easily received. Great piece and best of luck to you with your upcoming book!
    writingsofamrs/writingsofamsmommy

  21. Congrats on the book! I haven’t gotten any criticism yet on my blog; but I know I will one day. I suspect it will be about my writing abilities. Yikes! I have tried to get a few friends to edit my post before I make the public, but the are too busy living their lives. So I do the best that I can and keep in mind that I am a business professional and I write as a hobby. Great post! And, again, congrats on the book! Please keep us posted and let us know (me know) when it hits the market. Take care!

  22. Another nice article! Critisizing is a good thing. It is never a bad thing. I mean that it might affect you in some ways, but these are just the internal procedure in order of the changes to take place. I certainly don’t believe that critisizing can be made in the presence of others. It is more harmful than good, therefore it is not critisizing, even if it is meant to be. There is always a best time and place to talk to a person, so that the side effects will be minimal. Also a valid critisizing can come only from people that know us. A stranger can’t be aware of the wholeness of your character and anyway he is not interested in changing you, only alter the specific situation you are in.
    Bravo about the book! Let us know when its out!

  23. Congrats on your new book! As regards criticism, constructive criticism can be quite useful – especially for authors/writers. Unsolicited negative comments and rants from “haters” or from persons that wish to change others’ perspectives and styles, to “pigeonhole” authors/writers or to press upon them outdated “rules of writing” etc., or to otherwise suit their own personal needs or viewpoints are seldom useful imho. My most negative book critics are usually persons that have never successfully written and published a book themselves, but who use criticism as a way to elevate themselves in the eyes of the world. I have on more than one occasion smiled and replied: “Write your own book (or blog) in your way … if you can.” I say that – not out of smugness – but as an encouragement to learn and to explore writing as a process. Writing and publishing is not always as simple as many might think, and the experience of producing a first book is – for many – a humbling experience that increases tolerance for others’ writing and publications. I am, by the way, a literary critic so I am not against criticism in general.

  24. @It can have an immediate effect on our psyche…on our emotions….>>> Truer words were never spoken or in this case written! I’ll take a swig of java to that..yep, I’m a good-cup–of-coffee lover also…Said I was giving it UP as part of my New Years Resolution but..well..a girl’s gotta have least ONE bad habit..But anyways been there , done that with the rejection after rejection after REjection letter couple years back when the industry I was in (Finance in New Housing Construction) dried UP like a prune in Cali…I had never not in my business nor personal life faced ANY type of rejection before. How did it feel? I still can’t quite express in words or sentiment how jacked up it made me feel. And I know I’m good at what I do but I suddenly wasn’t wanted nor needed…I felt SO alone. It was such a new feeling I didn’t know how to deal with it. I wonder now how in the heck not being employed ; can make a person(namely me) feel as if they’re a complete failure as a person?!? I couldn’t have felt any more down in the dumps..and I’m a positive person! What did I do? I began to pump myself back up emotionally…every interview I walked out of I convinced myself if I didn’t get the job; then it was THEIR loss. And by the grace of God, outstanding parents, superb support team from coast to coast …I also somehow convinced myself that the rejections just meant something bigger & better! was in store for me. And after relocating 3,500 miles and leaving behind what seemed like a part of my body(left loved ones in Cali) I walked smack into the JOB of a lifetime!! Came totally from left field and in a field I have never worked in before..brand new career that I absolutely love. So now? It sounds corny and cliched but I am SO thankful for all those rejections…taught me lessons about myself & life that will last a lifetime…Moral of the story? Never give UP on yourself; and don’t take rejection as a beat-down on Self…let it give you the motivation to keep it moving and improving until your opportunity of a lifetime knocks on the door. And when it does? Walk in smiling with a great big-koolaid smile. I smile so much that my cheeks hurt!

  25. write on, great piece! It was good to read about situations that many writers can relate to, thank you for sharing this 🙂

  26. this piece is absolutely brilliant. your writing is so direct and understandable its awe-inspiring.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: