I Just Don’t Trust You……

lies

by Kenneth Justice

~Let’s get straight to the point…..people lie.

Having worked in the human service service field with addicts…..I’ve seen and heard a lot of lies.

It gets old

Lies are even harder to deal with when they come from family and friends….when your sibling, cousin, uncle or <gulp> parent lies to you….it can leave you feeling betrayed.

When your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse lies to you….it can leave you disillusioned.

When your religious leader lies to you……it can wound your faith in God

I’ve been lied to a lot in my young life

What more can I do other than to move on?

Many people who lie are not looking to be forgiven because they aren’t looking to apologize.

In fact, many liars refuse to admit that they even lied in the first place.

I don’t hold it against people when they lie. How can I? Since nearly every single human on the face of the earth lies; I’d have to stop talking to everyone if I excluded liars from my circle of friends.

Of course, many lies are a matter of convenience; we lie to to save someone from embarrassment. If we knowingly see that someone goofed up and has egg on their face, we might say, “it’s okay, don’t worry about” even though we may actually be thinking that it is a much bigger deal…..

Surprisingly enough, I am less concerned with people who lie to me; I cannot control the behaviors of others.

However; I can control whether or not I lie to myself.

So much of becoming an adult and embracing maturity is about being honest with ourselves; admitting our own weaknesses……

Too often we look in the mirror and think we are God’s gift to humanity.

Far too many of us think that the problem with the world is “other people”….

Guess what Charlie, the problem with the world is ourselves.

I used to work for a manager who micro-managed every single element of the workplace right down to the number of Bic pens each person was permitted to have at their desks……..

~It was really frustrating to work for that manager and as I look back at him now, I realize he was never able to see his imperfections. He believed it was necessary for him to micro-manage everything and everyone because he viewed himself as ‘superman’ the guy who could do everything…….he had to have his finger and nose sniffing around in everything.

People who are like that are also called ‘controlling’.

Controlling people are all over the place…..they are everywhere we look

Controlling people do not see themselves for who they really are; they lie to themselves.

I don’t want to lie to my friends…..I don’t want to lie to my readers….

And I especially don’t want to lie to myself

So here is the unadulterated truth; I’m going to have a cup of coffee right now,

Kenneth



Categories: relationships

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

16 replies

  1. The entire world needs to read this post. Couldn’t have said it better myself and I too am having a coffee now. That’s the truth.
    Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

  2. I love this post! and i’m not lying 😉
    peace

  3. Love the line about looking in the mirror. After all, while pointing the finger at someone, three point back to self.

  4. My most common reason for being deceiving is pride. As you said, admitting my weaknesses. That is because I am hard wired not to trust people from my abusive childhood. That is no excuse for me anymore, I am not a victim anymore.. When I feel the urge coming on to lie, I often react in just the opposite way. I feel the need to put all my cards on the table and tell this person I have some trust issues with them. The conversation with controlling people that I have to work with is straight forward. “You will not get what you want if you push me. I have an instinct to push back that is not pretty”. Those I can avoid it is adieu. I like being grown up because I don’t want to live in fear of how people will react. To thine own self be true. Do these pants make me look fat?

  5. lying is one of the earliest behaviours we learn…I think it is hard to be honest, especially with ourselves. We don’t always like what we see so it is easier to cover it up than to look at an ugly truth

  6. Oh, the lying to one’s self…that is hugs…just to admit…..namaste. . . .Anne

  7. the lack of self-awareness drives me nuts! i get tired of people not seeing their own flaws – though this comes from a person who can almost always only see her flaws lol as i’ve been doing for the past week or two… again haha. go figure. i can’t stand lying – i know everyone has lied at least once, a lil’ fib here and there and i suppose that’s not harmful but the big lies i can’t stand. being honest can be hard but is it really worth the hassle of lying? is it really worth the pain it causes once the truth comes out, because it will come out, it always does. lying to oneself is really harmful but so many do it. as someone else said – no one likes to look at an ugly truth but covering up doesn’t erase it, doesn’t make it better and it doesn’t make it go away. i don’t believe in brutal honesty – that’s just an excuse to be mean, though in some ways i’d prefer it to lying regardless. i hate it to the point where i was probably honest with a person or two when i probably should have lied (at least according to some) to spare feelings. i wasn’t trying to be mean but i hate lying. even if i wanted to im a terrible liar anyway haha. probably why im a journalist – i couldn’t make up a story if i wanted to haha. 🙂 great post!

  8. In the past five years there’s been someone in my life who lies a lot– it’s her way of keeping everyone “happy” and shaping others’ perception of her. I understand what is motivating it, but I just want to shake her and say, “Don’t you realize that every time you lie to me it breaks our relationship? We cannot have a relationship as long as you keep lying.” It is going to be a hard lesson for her to learn, I fear.

  9. Sad really. When the liars of this world ruin for the rest of humanity. I understand where you are coming from too. Working in ‘social services, with addicts.’ I lived with an addict for 20 years. I would venture to say that he BOLD FACE lied to me every day for 5 years. That was enough for me. But in prop management too. LIED to daily! And I always knew the ones who did it! Saw right thru those lies, and it hardened me.

  10. The lying and unwilling to apologize reminded me of a scene in a slapstick kinda comedy called Half-Baked that came out in 1998. The IMBD: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120693/ (it involves lots of Marijuana but in a funny way).

    There was a scene in that movie where one of the main characters played by Dave Chappelle was being confronted by a local drug lord and he was pretending to be Jamaican with accent and everything. But he was lying about it all. And when the drug lord caught on to his act, he had one of his assassins point a cross bow at him. He stopped lying and got all scared and looked at the drug lord in the face and said “I’m SORRY, I’ve been lying to you and I’M SORRY!”

    I remember when I was watching this with my sister at the time I said “wow he is apologizing alot right there” and my sister was like “well he has a crossbow aimed at him, wouldn’t you apologize alot to?”

    I don’t even know if that has anything to do with your post but it made me think of that scene from that movie that came out 15 years ago. I guess the moral of the story is, people won’t apologize, unless they have a crossbow pointed at them? And even then, it might not happen.

    So stubborn some humans are…..

  11. I know the lies too I lived with an alcoholic for 35 yrs. They are just the same as drugs

  12. It is so true that people can justify almost anything. I’m sure Hitler (for example) thought he was basically on a right track and doing the right things. But even in much smaller ways, people are trapped in their own perceptions of ‘I do this so it’s the only right way to do things’ ‘you’re wrong/bad/selfish etc. because you do things differently to me’.

    One of the reasons I like going to church is that we all stop and have some time to admit the things we’ve done wrong recently, say sorry (to God at least, if not anyone else) and resolve to do better. Normal life doesn’t provide many opportunities like that for honest reflection.

  13. I know I’m late in commenting, lol, but I enjoyed this post thoroughly! The line: “Guess what Charlie, the problem with the world is ourselves.” neatly sums up the truth. Everyone is so quick to blame everyone else for their problems, their character flaws, the state of things in our country, yadda yadda yadda, that it’s refreshing to be reminded to step back and take a look at yourself in the mirror before you start pointing fingers elsewhere. If each individual would honestly evaluate themselves and take care of their own shit, we’d be doing a lot better as a whole!!

  14. Thanks for another well chosen topic. I enjoy the straight forward approach you take in expressing yourself on these subjects. And you pictures are classic too. Keep fighting!

  15. Truth!

  16. Thank you for this post! I feel like you and your words have just dragged me out of the abyss of disillusionment xx

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