Tired of Sex…REALLY???

tired of sex

by Kenneth Justice

~Do you ever feel as though you’re way too inundated with sex? This morning as I went through my regular morning reading schedule I came across the normal deluge of sex related articles;

—) “7 Secrets to better sex

—) “How to have a better wedding night

—) “Sex like you’ve never had it before

Hey, I’m not some prude when it comes to sex; I like it just as much as the next person, but I’m not so obsessed with sex that I want to read about it every single morning when I click on my E-reader. Why do media outlets like “Huffington Post”, “Time Magazine” and others think that we all want to read about sex every single day?

And lets be honest; do any of us really believe that an article which promises “7 new sex positions you’ve never heard of” has really come up with a new sex position? Sex is as old as humanity and I seriously doubt there is some kind of sex position that the trillions of humans who came before us didn’t think of; when you’re living in a cave 8,000 years ago life must have been pretty boring so I’m sure they used their imagination.

Initially I was going to title this article “The dumb things men talk about” and list “SEX” as the number 1 dumb thing. Being the perennial coffee-house bum that I am, I’ve been privy to more dumb conversations about sex with other men than I care to admit. Too many men these days in the Western World are very one-dimensional when it comes to conversational topics; sports andย sex makes up 89.9% of the things the average man enjoys discussing (their job being the other 10.1%). Perhaps “enjoy” is the wrong word; I think that men don’t know what to talk about so that sports and sex is merely their crutch conversational topics.

So what prevents men from expanding their topical vocabulary? Why do men sit in huddled little groups at bars and gawk at the young women who walk by? A friend of mine used to work as a server at a local dive bar and she would tell me how sad and pathetic it was to see these old men sit in there night-after-night getting drunk and talking about what they’d like to do to some young lass….as if some young lass would actually be interested in a guy whose highlight of the day is getting drunk at a bar.

Perhaps I’m blinded and being shortsighted but I’ve noticed a different trend among the men who are regular bloggers; the topics they write about are much more expansive than merely sex and sports. There are a lot of male philosophers and poets in the blogging world and it is encouraging to see all of the different issues of life that they tackle through their writings. And while I love a good beer just as much as the next dude, I don’t get the vibe that these male philosophers and poets in the blogging world are getting s*** facedย every night at some dive bar.

There is a new trend in the Western World; more women are graduating college than men. Depending on the area, women are graduating college at as much as a 20% higher rate than men. This might explain why I’m noticing more-and-more men who are only interested in talking about sex and sports; as less and less men expand their minds they have less and less to say about life.

Where do we even begin to start when it comes to correcting this sorry state of male intellects? I suspect it begins in the home. Instead of praising little Johnny if he makes the soccer squad or the football team, perhaps we should pat him on the back when he finished reading a book. This is not to knock athletics; I really enjoy certain sports….but I do not worship sports as I have many different interests in life.

Interestingly enough, when researchers tried to find indicators as to what facets of home life led to more intellectually astute children; it wasn’t parents who read to their children that led to higher test scores…but rather; homes that had the most books were the homes that the brightest students came from.

When I was younger I tried out for the most famous sports team in my state; during the tryouts the coach told us that less than 1% of all high school athletes would play their respected sport in college, and less than 1% of college athletes would play at the professional level. “So while sports is fun to do in our youth, its good exercise, its goodย for learning how to work together; it should not be the main focus of our life” he said.

So while there is nothing wrong with decorating your den or television room with the colors of your favorite sports team, you may also want to add a few books to the shelves if you have any children in your house. Of course, perhaps you believe that sex is the most important topic in life, and if that is the case, you’re probably going to send me a nasty email telling me what a waste of time my article was for you,

So while I wait for your email I’m going to get another cup of coffee,

Kenneth



Categories: relationships

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56 replies

  1. Thank you!!! While I learned much from reading Cosmo in my youth, it is way too much sex in the media.
    Also, my house is full of books, and my sons will be encouraged in all pursuits, athletic or otherwise. I’m so glad some men are into broader topics.

    • I was at the dentist last week and they had Cosmo, and red book, and all those mags and I was flipping through them and laughing…..all those sex articles are written as though they are telling us something brand new….very funny ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I agree with your statements about the over emphasis of sports, which I found often originated by the school itself and its community. This might need one of those “village” solutions. As a teacher, it is my experience that sports (for all) is very helpful in the education process, for the reasons you listed above and for balance with academics – equal amounts of extroverting activities as introverting…though most schools have it at the end of the day, which makes no sense to me.

    As for guys hanging out in bars…is that the same crowd that seems to have continuous relationship problems. When you’re young, bars and clubs can have an appeal, but honestly, most women don’t hook up for the long term from a bar…and the ones that do hook up…don’t want long term. Perhaps that is the appeal…no commitment. We used to call clubs and such, “the meat factory”.

    Talking about sex isn’t really bad, it’s just best done in the right settings. For some reason, men consider bars the right setting. Does it achieve their sexual goals? Or, are they just elevating their ego? If you are going to talk about it…do so intelligently and in the right setting. I used to be part of a dating forum…great forum…which talked about all aspects of dating…and current events, humor, great reads…and SEX. Nothing was off the table and the people were respectful and rarely crude…they were honestly CURIOUS! Also Men.com has a similar open question column. Surprisingly, there are still many taboos about sex, even though the actual practices have become less and less restricted.

    Do I want to read about this while I’m eating my Wheaties…not really.

    • Mrs p,

      I think our view of sports and school also has a lot to o with where we live geographically. There are some areas of the world where the two share a more balanced life…..but other areas of the world; the schools are much more focused on sports and academics is given the back seat

  3. “when youโ€™re living in a cave 8,000 years ago life must have been pretty boring so Iโ€™m sure they used their imagination.” ๐Ÿ˜€

    But it seems that our newspapers need more and more (e-)readers and clicks, sex is somehow still a good catcher ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Have a nice day!

  4. This is why I prefer the intellectual type…honestly, there are too many juveniles running around in men’s bodies. I feel sorry for single women in the dating pool these days. From past experience, I’d estimate that 85-90% of men out there aren’t interested in mature or long-term relationships, just booty calls.

    To be fair, I suppose there are women out there who are interested in casual sex, too. Sadly, most men assume ALL women are just as interested in casual flings as they are. It’s rather sickening, actually…

  5. Sex is better to do than talk about and usually you don’t have time for both. I must be falling behind. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Spot on comments, and I do agree about bars and sports, but I might as well seem weird talking about society, politics, ideas, photography, arts and aesthetics.

  6. Not being a man I would not presume to opine on the ‘dumb things men talk about’.
    But to cut to the idea of reading and children, I come from a family where books were everywhere. When I married (40+ years ago) our small apartment was bursting at the seams with books. We have two children(now adults) they were read to every night, they saw us reading and their granparents reading. Books were as vital a part of our lives as fruit and veggies. Now we have a grandchild who is almost two years old, books are already a huge part of his life.

    However, our love of books and reading has not precluded love of sports. Our son is a fanatical Arsenal fan and has been since a young child. He also plays football (soccer) twice a week. Our son-in-law has a Cambridge blue for rowing and plays water-polo competitavely, and our daughter plays women’s cricket.
    You notice that I am not included in that list! Politics, arts and other topics take up my mental free time.

    As for sex…well we wouldn’t be here without it, and personally I am fairly keen on it….isn’t everyone?
    You say you are fed up with all the articles about it in the on-line media, I just ignore all that, and every morning delete such stuff, just as though I were sweeping the leaves off the porch which had blown in overnight.

    • Herschelian,

      Even though I’m American I actually love soccer too….but as much as I enjoy it I usually prefer a good coffee conversation with someone, over watching a game ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Ooh do not forget what woman can talk about concerning sex. It makes even a guy blush. But that these women do however are able to talk about more things than just sex. The are better at conversations anyway. And sex talk among men, well lets just say that most have a bigger mouth.
    Okay mind is polluted.
    I grew up wanting books and being good at sports.So I read loads, loved school and learned what ever my little brain could manage. I still love both. And for children i think the balance is critical as well. Just sports keeps them from books and vice versa. As parents we should seek a balance for them and broaden their horizon. What also could help against our narrow minded state.

  8. I enjoyed this post thoroughly! Coming from a man, your observations (as I have been a fitness class instructor and personal trainer, and then a manager for a popular trendy restaurant) are right on the mark. And, honestly, I got so SICK of being objectified. I find that it makes me angry now, even more-so with men who I know are married . . . sorry, but true. The eyes can be one of my personal biggest offenders. I have gained weight since then, and, honestly, NOT being pestered by those eyes and constant offensive offers–might be a worthy trade off. I have certainly felt happier, though I’d still like to fit into my trendy clothes ๐Ÿ˜›

  9. Just read the comment above mine—-I could write plenty from a woman’s perspective, but, then, I don’t have many close women friends . . . hmmmmmm . . .

  10. My parents did not have much money, but they managed to buy a set of encyclopedias for me and take me to educational places like museums. I think you are on target with your statistics: I am so lucky that my second husband falls into the 10% that don;t talk about sex and sports 90% of the time.

  11. Your photograph choice surprised me. I felt like that poor woman was used. Do they ever contact you and say “Get me out of that article you wrote on too much sex talk?”. Look through your library for some drunk men. I am sure there are some. The real topic.
    A 60 year old married man walked up to me and my two male friends yesterday. Out of the blue he started announcing if only he weren’t married how he would love to get with me. As usual I was so horrified and shocked I said nothing back. Later my young friend said he was sorry that man felt he could do that. A new generation of more sensitive people that know how to talk about sex in a mature way would be nice.

  12. I think we’re missing the obvious here: for those drunken louts at the bar, telling their buddies what they’d like to do to unfortunate said lass is just a different way of keeping score, or reliving their glory days on the field (if I could, I’d embed a little Bruce Springsteen to play as this is read). And when their server takes their order, I hope she uses that extra tip money to make it through grad school. We need more women in engineering.

    It’s sad, though, to think that of all the things to talk about in the world, the default topics are sports and sex (stereotypes tell me that women default to shoes or shopping and their kids). So, for all involved, look around. See what is happening. Listen to others outside your usual sphere. Read a viewpoint that you may have not considered. Take your dog for a walk. Try something new. At the very least, it will add some conversational spice to many a life.

    So, thank you once again for reminding me why I’m always glad to be a woman. And when the first few minutes of my engineering scrum are devoted to football, I’ll be silently grateful that at least we aren’t talking about sex…

  13. Really enjoyed this this morning. We have tons of books in our home, and we home-schooled most of the education. The three boys did a lot of research on their own. They’re all individual thinkers and are not carbon copies of my husband and I. They watched my husband and I go through a lot of individual growth. It has impacted their lives by helping them see that nothing stays the same and that part of life is interesting to them, rather than they’re having a one-dimensional view of life. I think that their awareness of the part of life cuts through the boredom that might otherwise leave them stuck in one area as an escape.

  14. I once watched a news clip about black students being ridiculed by other black students if they excelled academically. This education thing goes deeper than just gender and I don’t think public schools are by any means heading in the right direction if they wish to cure what’s ailing us educationally but it’s good to know people are shining a light on matters such as this one.

    Sex? Blah. Without love, it’s worthless.

  15. Thanks Kenneth, this was a thought provoker. Like all men, I have been privy to these conversations, I argue with my best friend all the time that there are more important things to talk about then sex. He is now married and will spend hours talking about sexual encounters from 20 years ago. I tell him that I don’t give a crap, but he persists. Probably something about not being fulfilled in his marriage. Anyway, as for sex, it is a part of life, there is nothing wrong with it, but I agree with a comment above, without love it is not much use.
    Personally, I gave up drinking a long time ago, because I just feel I can spend my time more productively. I mean, aren’t we all just trying to figure life out, and what we are supposed to contribute to it. Remember that sex sells, and marketing uses it to make you feel inadequate about your sex life so that you will drink their beer, or wear their clothes or buy their product, so you can be considered sexy, and in essence worthy. This is a silly world we live in.

  16. There are those who think and talk about sex all the time
    but never do it.
    There are those who rarely think or talk about sex
    but do it all the time.
    There are those who think and talk about sex
    only when they have a partner to have IT with . . .

  17. I would remind, again, that part of why there’s so much of it in the media is because people read it. This is particularly true online when rags and newspapers are paying attention to site visits and where those visits are taking place so they can get advertisers. That’s where the visits are. That said, we live in an interesting culture that one portion seems obsessed and the other is incredibly prude and would rather just sweep the whole thing under the rug (this feeds into the rape culture, etc). There are still parents who don’t want to discuss sex with their kids (i.e. it should be abstinence only classes, etc.). You’d be surprised at how undereducated some people really are on the topic, despite all the sex saturated media. What I’m tired of is being ridiculous about sex one way or the other. Too much focus on it is disgusting and yet not treating it responsibly is also frustrating. It just seems to me there needs to be a way to equalize all of this out and not be at such extremes. The phrase “perception is reality” comes to mind here also. If one’s experience shows that there’s a lot of sex focused talk then sure that’s the reality. There are people out there who don’t pay any attention to what’s in the media (media including music, books, magazines, etc.), and are going to have a totally different perception, therefore their reality is different; they may not see people as being sex crazed (okay so these people may be in the minority but my guess is they do exist). Anyway, for me, my perception, I see a lot of both extremes and neither are particularly healthy.

  18. This time I’m gonna speak loud and not sending you an undercover email with what a boring topic. Just kiding. I really like the tone of it. As you I’m very curious to find out something if those magazines/news have a real and benefic feed-back…like someone will send them a letter for gratitude expressing “how good worked those 7 tips or positions”. Seriously? No one, I guess or who knows.
    Another point is, my former boss used to say “cat” sells and asked me to hire 90/60/90 hostesses to promote our new Ford models. And I can swear to you no one bought a new car because of the hostess. Life! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Dana,

      it would be VERY interesting to see if magazines ever receive letters of gratitude for those articles…I think you are right; they probably never do.

      and as for models on fords….I’ve always thought that was pretty weird too because youre right; ‘no one bought a new car because of the hostess’.

  19. I’ll trush you that that is really what most men are talking about most of the time. I love reading your stuff. Keep up the good work!

  20. Kenneth…your writing never ceases to amaze me! I agree with you on this post 100% !! ROX

  21. She looks mean, I wouldn’t wanna have sex with her either.

  22. Preach it Kenneth, Preach it!

  23. There is a new trend in the Western World; more women are graduating college than men.

    I may get riled for this, but I’m going to say it anyways. It’s not a “man’s world” anymore. I tend to agree with those saying it is now a “woman’s world” now. Understand, I am for equality between the genders, but I think the advancement of women has come with some detriment to men. I think men do not get the same consideration legally as far as divorce, domestic violence, and social services. The deck seems to be stacked against men in some ways.

    Now, speaking of sex, well, I think it ties into education generally– how attitudes and mindsets are guided and encouraged at home. I know there are parents that are still fearfully against sex educations in the schools, and push to have their children opt out, but then they don’t teach them at home. I think that’s tragic because kids will observe what their parents and family members do– and it will influence what choices they eventually make in regards to sex.

    • Jaklumen,

      perhaps the negative behaviors of men in the past have led to a reversal in our culture? Men pretty much treated women like second class citizens or slaves in so many areas of life for so long…..perhaps we needed a shift in the other direction to level things out?

    • No, I don’t think we’re leveling things out– I think we’ve swung the pendulum the other way in some areas, which is harming both men and women.

      Feminism has got some dirty secrets that women adhering to it are either ignoring or are unaware of: advocacy of eugenics and sterilization, that I can think of off-hand. There are double standards, even hostility towards men.

      I have experienced this personally face-to-face and in various parts of the Internet. I’m not making this up, seriously. Karen Straughn (a.k.a. girlwriteswhat) on YouTube is a good starting point.

      Understand, I’m not against women’s rights at all. My youngest sister considers herself a second wave feminist and we have a warm, cordial relationship, not to mention we agree on MANY things– including politics. I grew up in a family of mostly women– eldest of 4, with 3 sisters.

      I think some things have changed for the better, as they should. But I am also quite worried by what I see as women determined to dish out revenge and subjugation.

  24. I was about to shut off the computer when I thought “why not check WordPress?” And no I don’t believe I wasted my time reading your post. Enjoy your coffee!

  25. 10% of the men receive 90% of the sex. That is why 9 out of 10 men always talk about it. They are dreaming about it. Great article!

  26. Unless one thinks deep about the intellectual meaning of sex (something beyond pleasure), then sex becomes a good topic of even everyday news.

  27. Hey thanks for the visit and like on my blog, you have a great blog here. Great post.

  28. LOL What’s the number thing women think about all the time while claiming that it grosses them out whenever men think about it? According the vast number of women’s magazines on display at the local grocery store the answer is of course SEX. ๐Ÿ™‚ What else! ๐Ÿ™‚

  29. It’s like picking up a women’s magazine and seeing “7 new weight loss tips.” They are never new tips, but apparently the only things we women can concern ourselves with is our bodies. And to tie in with your post title, my favorite recent article I saw: “7 Ways to Look Better in Bed”

  30. Sex is very different for different people. I don’t think Cosmo expresses this very well and is part of the reason I find it a rather boring and dishonest magazine.

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