by Kenneth Justice
~What do guys really want? Sex….Thanks for reading.
Okay, obviously I’m joking, but If you aren’t brain dead and have seen at least one American film from the last 100 years than you would think that all that guys think about is sex.
Why does sex sell? Because the media believes that its all that men think about. And whether we want to admit it or not, research studies have indeed found that men think about sex a lot. Some studies have suggested men think about sex as many as 8000 times per day or every 7 seconds. However, I question the findings from these studies.
The problem with these studies which show men to be nothing more than sexual animals whose every waking moment is consumed with thinking about various forms of copulation is that the studies have relied on self-reporting. Thus, if you previously tell men that they think about sex a lot (this influences what men believe) and then you ask a man to self-report how many times a day he thinks about sex…..you are likely to have successfully influenced the man to think about sex!
However, in studies where they merely asked men to report on all the varied thoughts they think about throughout the day (from thoughts of hunger, sadness, work-related issues, etc) researchers found that men don’t think about sex anymore than they think about other things such as sleep, food, etc.
When I was younger I can remember walking into the grocery store and seeing the seductively posed models on the various magazines in the aisle. I didn’t consciously think about why those magazines displayed sexy women….and I am sure that those types of magazines influenced my thoughts regarding sex and women. Yet, as I grew older and I realized what the media was trying to do; use sex to sell products…..those sexual images influenced me less and less.
Awareness, education, understanding…..those were the keys to helping me become less obsessed with the sexualization of men and women that occurs in advertisements and various forms of media.
So what do men really want? This is a tough question, in many ways the answer hinges upon what time of day you are asking the question. If I’m in the middle of a monotonous work-related-task and I’m asked the question I will likely answer, “I want a nice cup of coffee while I’m sitting alongside the beach in the Caribbean”
But generally speaking there are a number of trends in the answers men give to the question of the what they really want;
—) They want a job/hobby/task that challenges and satisfies them
—) They want friends who are faithful, interesting to talk to, and who hang out with them regularly
—) They want time to themselves, time to recover and relax from the various details of their day-to-day lives.
While many women want alone time as well, I’ve noticed that as a percentage; more men want a larger block of time to be by themselves than the average woman. I suspect that differences in brain use between genders has something to do with why men appear to need a greater amount of time to think through things by themselves. Many people have remarked that women appear to be able to think about many different topics at the same time while this is much more difficult for men.
Men enjoy being challenged and when they are not…..it can lead to bouts of depression. One of the reasons athletics appeals to so many men is the level of challenge, fight, and struggle that occurs in the various sports. Of course, men can also find this same sense of energy in tackling deep intellectual subjects, arguing and debating (peacefully) topics, and other such academic pursuits.
Unfortunately, Western Culture has entirely bought into the premise that men want sex…..and so, many men are influenced in this belief from when they are very young. Men believe they want sex…because they are told that is what they want.
Men with money, men who are celebrities, men with charisma; believing that all they want is sex, then go out and try to sleep with as many women (or men) as possible. But when we read the tabloids we see that for all their sexual conquests; celebrities and male philanderers are no more happy than men who live more stable lives sexually. In fact, the rates of divorce and cheating are often higher among celebrities and the wealthy.
All of this is not to say that men don’t want sex……but I believe we need to reevaluate how much the media is influencing us regarding our beliefs about men. When we read about the great male minds of the past, Plato, Socrates, Hume, Einstein, etc. the first thing that doesn’t come to our mind is sex. Isn’t that interesting? So perhaps men really want something more beyond sex. Perhaps if we quit influencing men to think a certain way, then they would surprise us when we ask them the question, “What do men really want?”
What do I really want? Another cup of coffee.
Categories: Culture & Society