by Kenneth Justice
~ “Kenneth, she wanted to go back to my room right there and get it on….but I told her no” he said
The last couple mornings here on the Caribbean in Costa Rica I’ve been getting coffee with this late 30ish divorced guy, “Kenneth, we simply got married too young and one thing led to another and we were both too deep over our heads” he told me when we first met. Now, two children later he is divorced, and finds himself in Costa Rica this week with a buddy of his who is getting married in two days here on the beach; my coffee acquaintance is the best man.
Last night he went to a bar and struck up a conversation with a 21 year college girl from the West Coast….she’s here for the weekend on some kind of college excursion and she had scoped him out at the bar in order to get laid.
“Kenneth, she was doing everything she could to get me to invite her back to my room……but I couldn’t do it. Its not that I didn’t want to have sex….its that she simply wanted to use me as some kind of story she could tell her friends when she got back home” he told me this morning.
If you’re thinking what I’m thinking….then you’re wondering if this is perhaps the only guy left in North America with any sense of decency, “Kenneth, her and I must have talked for two hours but oh my god, she had nothing of any substance to say. She was clearly some kind of sheltered suburban girl that merely wanted to ‘get wild’ while down in the Caribbean before she goes back to her boring life” he said
Normally, if a guy meets an attractive woman at the bar who wants to go home with him; its a done deal. But perhaps there are actually guys out there (like this one) who want something more. Maybe its because he’s been married before and is now divorced….maybe he has learned that women aren’t merely some kind of meat to be obtained the way so many men treat them.
“I wasn’t the best husband to my wife” he told me, “And even though we probably shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place…..it doesn’t excuse me being a piss-poor husband”
I’ll be honest, I was really surprised to hear what the guy told me….because most any other guy in his shoes would have jumped at the chance to spend the night with a beautiful young woman who wanted no-strings-attached…not to mention the fact that the girl was 21 and he is nearly 40; many guys dream of that scenario.
Yet perhaps, maybe that is where the world has gone wrong. Maybe meaningless sex with someone you don’t even know….is nothing more than meaningless.
Perhaps we’ve lost the true value of what sex is. Maybe we’ve succumbed to the Hollywood version of sexuality that says ‘good sex is a one night stand with a beautiful woman you meet in the Caribbean’. Maybe good sex is actually sex with someone we love.
I’m reminded of movies about married sex and they usually don’t portray it in the best of light;
—) American Beauty is a movie about a dead marriage and a husband who begins lusting after the teen girl next door
—) About Last Night is a film that shows a couple in the midst of a somewhat boring period of their marriage and the temptation they both face when they are both given the opportunity to have an affair
—) Swinging with the Finkles is a film in which a a husband and wife experiencing a lull in their relationship consider ‘swinging’ with another married couple
There’s no end of examples when it comes to Hollywood and boring marriages……it seems that sex outside of marriage is usually portrayed as ‘hot’ and sex inside of marriage as ‘not’.
This afternoon at a beachside restaurant/bar I’ve been hanging out a lot at I met a couple from Austin, they’d been married for 30 years and this was their first trip to Costa Rica. “What’s been the secret to your marriage” I asked them,
“Well, we didn’t rush into this time” the husband said, “We were both married before and we didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. So there was no love at first sight or anything with the two of us….we simply wanted to make sure we knew what we were doing” and sitting with them for the better part of an hour I can say; it seemed like they are still every bit as in love with each other as they were three decades ago.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging or condemning people who want to hook up in the Caribbean with some stranger….each of us have to make our own choices and figure out our own lives. But I wonder, how many of us are really making our own choices? Are we doing something because we really want to do it….or are we doing it because Hollywood has convinced us that its something we want?
Is meaningless sex in the Caribbean with a stranger really good? Or is finding someone that you are able to truly connect with on both a mental and physical level something more worthy to seek?
As I write this I can hear bats chirping as they fly around my bedroom and the sounds of Howler Monkeys are in the distance……too late for another coffee but I look forward to one in the morning
(P.S. If you haven’t heard I’m currently on a national and worldwide tour of 100 coffee houses in 2014 check out my link for the news and stay tuned for dates and locations )
Categories: Drinking in the Culture