Another pregnancy scare…REALLY???

another pregnancy scare

By Kenneth Justice

~Yesterday morning I was enjoying a cup of coffee when a close acquaintance of mine plopped down beside me,

Kenneth, my girlfriend and I had another pregnancy scare last week” he said

Again? I thought we went over this last time we talked” I asked, it had only been a month or two prior when they had their first scare and I had asked him why the hell the two of them weren’t using some type of protection. They are both in their early twenties and in college. Each of them still live at home with their parents and they don’t want a baby at all. Of course, some people would believe that the two of them should practice abstinence but the chances of them practicing abstinence rhymes with hero; i.e. zero.

Well, I just don’t like using condoms and my girlfriend can’t go on birth control because of health reasons. And, I, uh, you know…I don’t you-know-what in you-know-where so I figured she can’t get pregnant” he said.

Dude, I already told you last time that she can still get pregnant even if you don’t finish that way…it seems like the two of you are being foolish” I said

I know we are. It’s stupid…we’re being young and stupid…but I just hate the way condoms feel and I guess I just figure she could always get a you-know-what if something happened” he said, not wanting to even say the word ‘abortion’.

We talked for a little while longer but it was obvious that he clearly knew the two of them weren’t being very responsible. And as we sat there talking, I couldn’t help but realize how much life had changed over the past generation. When I was younger (which wasn’t very long ago actually) you couldn’t walk through the halls of high school without hearing some message about ‘safe sex’….and putting aside my thoughts on the whole ‘safe sex’ campaign; what is going on in this world that young adults are so obsessed with the momentary (and fleeting) feelings of sex that they are willing to risk pregnancy when they are not ready for it at all?

One of the most famous slogans in my lifetime comes from Nike, “Just do it” and if ever there was a slogan that describes a generation of young people it would seem as though Nike’s definitely fits the bill.

—-) Just do it; don’t think about the consequences of pregnancy; you’ll be fine

—-) Just do it; don’t worry about overdosing on drugs; you’ll be fine

—-) Just do it; don’t worry about binge drinking at college; you’ll be fine

But perhaps the young adults are not to blame. Maybe the baby boomer generation and their parenting skills (or lack thereof) sowed the seeds that led to a generation of young adults who are so focused on seeking out pleasure in the here-and-now that they tend to make reckless decisions.

Obviously not all young adults act like this young man and his girlfriend; there are plenty of responsible men and women who make wise choices……but who best typifies the current generation?

—)  Is the average young adult someone who thinks before they act?

—)  Or is the average young adult more concerned with the way sex feels without a condom?

Don’t get me wrong, this article isn’t even about condoms. I’m neither advocating them nor shunning them…..but as I sit here in a coffee shop writing this article; at the table next to me is a young orthodox Jewish woman who is studying for an exam in her nursing program. The level of self-control she displays with regard to her decisions is pretty admirable…..barring a bizarre behavioral change, you won’t see her getting pregnant before she is ready and I can only think that it has something do with her parents, her family, and the culture she lives in that helps encourage her to be diligent and faithful in her life focus.

I’m only in my thirties but already I feel like I’m seeing life a little bit differently than I did in my teens; I remember when I felt as though a day was a like an eternity, that if I didn’t experience something now I may never do it……but now I’m starting to see things from a bigger perspective; I’m starting to realize there are consequences to the choices we make.

Did your girlfriend tell you that she would get an abortion if she gets pregnant?” I asked the young man

Uh, no” he said

So for all you know she could be against abortion and if she gets pregnant you’re going to be stuck with a kid” I said. He squirmed nervously in his chair as he knew that what I was saying happened to be correct; he just didn’t want to believe it.

Of course, many people might just shrug this conversation off, and to borrow the colloquialism; they would say that he is thinking with the wrong head. Yet unfortunately, I’m seeing a trend that goes well beyond the area of sexuality with the current generation and I wonder what the future holds.

For now, I think I will have another cup of coffee,

Kenneth

If you haven’t heard I’m currently on a national and worldwide tour of 100 coffee houses meeting readers, bloggers, and everyone else in between. Wanna have coffee and tell me a story? Wanna chat over a cup of coffee? Wanna tell me you hate my writing? I’d love to meet you! Check out my homepage for dates and locations.

 

 

 



Categories: Culture & Society

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87 replies

  1. There are over 40+ types of hormonal birth control and even IUD’s and they are non-hormonal ones! If she is in University in the US/UK/EU she can get one for about 40$ ! They are talking shit!

    • True that……ive often wondered about the women who say that they can’t take birth control because of medical reasons. Although, I do know that some women are just ‘against’ them because of philosophical reasons, but that is another issue all together

    • My thoughts exactly! Use a damn diaphragm, Nuva Ring, whatever, there are numerous different devices and pills. Usually when a girl doesn’t want to take the pill is because they think they will get fat. Or they don’t want to quit smoking. Not to mention there are a million different kinds of condoms to try, varying thicknesses, etc. This just makes me so angry. I have a son in college and 2 girls in high school and I have ingrained in them what the consequences are. I definitely want them to wait, but if not, be prepared. Great post.

    • Agreed. My wife and I used many different options (for many reasons) before and after the birth of each of our two children– including some of the ones already mentioned. I do think that young man is speaking out of ignorance, which is sad, because the information and resources are readily available.

  2. Reblogged this on I am Hedonism and commented:
    I am going to reblog this one because I enjoy his blog and the way he handles the situation. However, the bloke needs to get over himself and I am about to scream my head off that a woman with access to higher education, is being such a retard. And yes, retard is the correct word, before all you PC word baiters get up in arms. There are many, many types of BIRTH CONTROL she can take or have implanted! She is being wilfully destructive to her and his life. Thanks lady! For making women once again, look like they need hand holding.

    The bloke is just a moron! I don’t like condoms.. Geez…

  3. Modern Life is very messy.

    It takes time to clean up our little mistakes, but it takes an eternity to ‘clean up’ an unwanted pregnancy – be it abortion, adopting out, bringing up a child on your own, or getting married too young and without being fully committed to a relationship (let alone the responsibility of caring for another little person).

    Why is it that young people are so reckless and irresponsible and think………it can’t happen to them!

    Anything can happen to anyone (while they live & breathe).

  4. Kenneth, I’m even older than you (!) and I’m pretty sure that the “younger generation” has always been criticised for acting foolishly and recklessly. I’m pretty sure that’s just how some young people are.

    But as you say, some young people act very responsibly and some act unbelievably foolishly. Upbringing clearly plays a large part in this, but I think that personality types also play a role. Some types of people would never act so irresponsibly, even if from a “bad” home. Others seem to have everything yet are reckless.

    All personality types have strengths and weaknesses. Maybe that young man is particularly good at something that a more careful person is unable to do.

    • “maybe that young man is particularly good at something a more careful person is unable to do”

      fascinating statement right there because there IS something that the young man is really good at, I can’t say what or else I would betray the confidence of his anonymity but great point you make.

    • Brilliant thoughts, Steve.

    • Well said, Steve. Maybe the not so young generation- those in their thirties- are not sp tolerant as the genuinely older generation, haha. My teenage son and his girlfriend has a pregnancy scare but I didn¡t get into a panic about it or give him a lecture. Somehow I just can’t get angry about it.

      Also, it is not per se irresponsible to have a child young. I know women who had children young as a choice and are now vibrant and successful without the worries that some women who reach middle age without kids have.

      I find I can’t be judgmental about this issue.

  5. Acting on feelings; not thinking about it. That sums up the way a lot of people live.

  6. Culture? You now have rights. You are now entitled. You have to accept your responsibility with those entitlements and becomes a good citizen.
    Now and nose. Both start with the same letter, and neither can see beyond the end of.
    Youth? “You now have rights, your are now entitled, you have to … (end of nose)

  7. Young and furious .
    Talking to adults, consulting with someone older before making future decision would help and save the young generation from mistakes that might always regret.. but they know everything; don’t they? 😃

    Before you’re old and wise, you have to be young and reckless. (Let them be)

  8. Well thinking with the wrong head surely is part of it but women do get more free in showing of their lusting behaviour. But one should consider the outcomes.
    And not talking about condoms or even start on abortion. ( against it.. no just the reason why people use it) But increse is also seen due to more medicine able to counteract or cure STD. It doesn’t scare you if there is a cure. when we do not talk about it as often any more. the only scare is HIV if ever being told by a doctor after a test.

    We became fearless.

  9. I think your description of this couple makes clear that they do not communicate. That the sex may be the only intimate thing about their relationship. If they knew how to express their fears and values then they would have a genuine partnership. She needs education on many many birth control methods. He needs to tell her what he would do if she got pregnant. That alone would probably end this fiasco.

  10. My son’s an Air Force pilot in training. His fiancee is in grad school. They are 4 or 5 states apart and see each other not often. When they do, they are careful. Careers are at stake.

    Yes. There exceptions to the couple in your story.

    • Yea, I definitely know that there are a LOT of responsible young adults out there….i only fear that as time goes on they will be more and more the exception unfortunately

  11. When we’re young and foolish, we tend to do lots of foolish things. Sometimes we get away with it. But it’s playing with fire. Sometimes it has far-reaching consequences that color and determine the rest of our lives–and not in a good way. Spoken from hard experience (though not in that particular way). I hope your young friend gets some sense in his head before he becomes another statistic!

    Having said that, though I agree with the idea that personality has a lot to do with it, I also think many teens and young adults run to sex to try to fill a void of love in their home or from their upbringing. Teens who are loved, respected as human beings, and cared for by their parents have a lower chance of engaging in risky behaviors that they may later come to heavily regret. Too many parents go heavy on their kids to try to keep them out of trouble, but end out actually driving them into the trouble that they were hoping to keep them out of.

    It’s a fine line for parents to walk between caring for and supervising their children on the one hand and smothering and suppressing them on the other. I lean more toward giving my children a lot of responsibility for themselves in their teenage years, while cluing them in to what can happen if they abuse it–and having some basic house rules that they must abide by. The idea is that once they reach college and/or adulthood, they won’t go wild because they’re already used to taking responsibility for their own life.

    • Your last paragraph was perfect. I had a very controlling parent who on the day that I turned eighteen suddenly gave me freedom to choose for myself, (now that I was an adult). I remember it being such an odd feeling. In my case, it didn’t work because I had spent the past four years rebelling (quietly) and most of my rule breaking occurred then.

      I completely agree with your solution on handling teens.

  12. Reblogged this on Kingdom Living and commented:
    Abortion is not on the rise because it’s more accessible. Abortion is up because some people simply don’t act responsibly.

    • Abortion is up because the population has increased and the taboo around it, has all but vanished. And why does it matter if Abortion is higher?

  13. Spending all your time worrying about how your actions will affect your future can be exhausting, it can cause anxiety, many people can’t or don’t want to live their life always looking ahead and never appreciating the present. I’m starting to feel like the balance of making responsible decisions and still engaging in behavior that allows you to feel like you’re in the moment seems to be becoming a lost art in society in general. Decades ago the future was bright, full of opportunity, imagination and optimism. That spirit propelled many people forward with hope and they were focused on creating a prosperous future. They were more likely to make responsible decisions because there was something to look forward to. Today the future has dimmed a bit. There are less opportunities and far more competition. Economic collapse, mounting debt, social unrest, negative geological changes and constant trivial unrealistic expectations are the topics that bombard us daily. Who wants to think about that future when you could get lost inside the smaller and less complicated world of an orgasm? I can understand why the younger generation’s leap before you look attitude is usually the prevailing one, but it’s still concerning to me that they seem to have never developed the ability to learn from past mistakes or to take “close calls” seriously. If they won’t learn from the past, what hope will we have for the future? Maybe that’s how the problems started in the first place…

    • Do better,

      Great thoughts and I’m totally with you that we can’t paralyze ourselves through self-psycho-analiation regarding our future. At a certain point we’ve got to just move forward and as you say ‘appreciate the present’.

      “today the future as dimmed a bit”

      So true. I’ve talked with quite a few young adults who don’t believe they will have a good economic future because of the lack of jobs and the type of jobs that are available.

      “Who wants to think about that future when you could get lost inside the smaller and less complicated world of an orgasm? I can understand why the younger generation’s leap before you look attitude is usually the prevailing one, but it’s still concerning to me that they seem to have never developed the ability to learn from past mistakes or to take “close calls” seriously”

      Well said!

  14. I think this is mostly an immaturity that accompanies youth and is indicative of problem that have been around for a long time. It even happened before the baby boomers but was kept secret back then. I believe the secrecy and scorn connected to unwed mothers is what kept the numbers down.

    Nowadays, there are a number of things that I believe raise these numbers:

    1) promoting birth control (chemical and surgical)
    2) promoting abortion
    3) promoting adoption (by churches)
    4) More explicit media coverage…numbs down the shock affect that used to be connected to sex and makes it all seem normal.

    Sadly, this includes normal sex, child molesting, perversion and rape. It is so successful to market through media that Viagra wasn’t the end of marketing to older people. Now there are ads for low T and there are even ads for older women to take medicine so they can enjoy sex. Media makes sex the number one thing. The only thing that comes close to it is pharmaceutical advertisements.

    The hard truth is that youth are generally irresponsible…admittedly, I was one of these. It’s like the lottery, if you don’t play it safe…you might get lucky…or not! Rarely, have I heard of people using some sort of contraceptive and getting pregnant anyway.

    One thing is for sure…unwanted pregnancy is a game changer. Those who have abortions go through their own mental scene on it. I have known people who had abortions when they were young and then could not conceive later when they were ready. If you keep the baby” Obvious game changer. Give it away? Future later regret? Possibly. I hope your friend really starts looking at this in a more responsible way…for his sake.

    • Mrs. P, I’m totally with ya on all you’ve said. Putting aside the moral ramifications of abortion for a moment; I too have talked with numerous women who have had abortion and they still deal with the psychological ramifications of what occurred….and if they could go back in time and tell their younger self to either use a condom or to not have sex with the guy; nearly every single one of those women would do so……

  15. “I don’t like the way condoms feel.” I’ve heard that BS line so many times. Here’s my suggestion to your irresponsible friend: try the Lambskin condoms since he is in a monogamous relationship. He might find they feel much different (better) than the ordinary latex condom. Baby or temporary satisfaction…The choice is obvious.

  16. One more thing. If she truly does have a medical problem that prevents her from being able to use BC, it could very well be a blood clotting disorder. In that case, all hormonal options are too risky. Just use the dang condom! 😀

  17. As I read this I am shaking my head. I am older than my siblings and I was always telling them about condoms. I had bags in my car to hand out to young people. I would break it down to them because I was also an HIV educator. Yes you can get pregnant and be responsible for a little person you are not ready for but what happens if you catch HIV or the new strand of gonorrhea that they currently do not have a cure for. Is a few minutes of pleasure worth this? Then of coarse they would say well Magic Johnson is cured and then that is a whole other conversation. So lets get back to having a baby, they are clearly not ready as they are not supporting themselves and continue to live in their parents home. They are young and think they have all the time in the world until a little one comes and they realize their time is no longer their own. I hope they never have to make decisions that they may regret later in life.

  18. The guy is a moron and she is not any smarter. Is it better to bring an unwanted child into this world just because ”I don’t like condoms” or because ”well I thought she would get an abortion”. She should say ” No condom, no Candy.” I too could not use the pill and I found other solutions. If they are in College we would assume that they have a smidgen of intelligence. They should do something before society ends up with another single Mom trying to struggle through life.

  19. Please tell me that you finished your conversation with him by smacking him upside the head. He needs it, and we’ll all feel better. He “doesn’t like the way a condom feels,” so try a different brand, you moron. How is he going to feel having to tell his parents that hey, guess what, you’re going to be grandparents? How is he going to feel dropping out of school to support his burgeoning family? And how are THEY going to feel if she decides to get an abortion? Or to not have an abortion? His selfish behavior of “I don’t like the way that feels” is small potatoes compared to these points, the last most of all.

    And if you didn’t smack him, go outside right now, track him down, and do so.

  20. Multiple scares and lots of excuses – sounds like they may be “accidentally-on-purpose” trying to get pregnant. Maybe their folks don’t approve of their relationship, maybe there’s an ice burg of family issues. Somehow, they have considered that a baby will solve something. This sounds funny, I know, but lots of people (esp teens) from troubled households have done such a thing.

    Doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it may help us to understand their refusal to correct their ways. According to my mother, I’m the product of such foolish thinking. It wasn’t a happy marriage, and my childhood has a lot of junk I’m having to sort through now at age 31. Forget them, a child shouldn’t be brought into this world from such a motive.

    • You could be right, I’ve never met the guy’s girlfriend so I only know his side of the story; and he says she definitely doesn’t want to get pregnant; but why the hell she would have sex with him and not be on birth control and not use a condom sure doesn’t make any sense then….. so perhaps you are right, maybe she doesn’t care if she gets pregnant.

  21. Remember when you wrote about wondering when the appropriate time to tell someone you don’t agree with their thinking/actions would be? Well this would be one of those times! Tell that boy to get her butt to the doctor. Good Grief!!

  22. The pretense of believing a reality does not exist is how many act..to this day..
    And yes I agree..young people tend to be a bit more impulsive..and jump without thinking much…yet I think many do..and it is from conditioning..I was taught..think before..do the pro’s and cons list…consider all options..think about the future…and yet I fall prey to the “live in the moment”..”be present”..thought…which I have fallen victim too..and not thought…hmm what will happen later…and can I survive the hitting the floor well…
    I think young people have a higher lifestyle of it…and it is produced from a mentality that says..it is all about the latest and greatest..and the quick fix..we are all disposable..so many options to choose from…
    yet I think some of us older ones need to step up to the plate and admit poor example….
    My generation holds a great divorce rate..and then repeating marriage and relationships till the tally is through the roof…because everyone is living in the moment..and does not think about later…or for that matter feelings…
    I tend to live my life different…I sit here looking out a window thinking about a clinical work skill I am hoping to do..when the snow melts..I work everyday towards a goal of nursing…making it part of me..with no promise of it being completed..yet I still do everything I can for that…I talk and write and implement words to have others feel good..”for the moment”..with the intent of building a strong relationship..and it is scary..because one never knows..if the quick fix..appearance of problem free..person will appear and wipe away all your hard work with one smile…
    So I get the young man’s attitude of quickies..and right now..and it feels good…because it feels good right now…and even in my soberness..I do not have to think about what happens when it is gone…because I can do what they do..one fix to another…

    • Very deep thoughts…..i was thinking about the sentence you wrote about the divorce rate of the generation and its interesting that you point that out because as quickly as we might condemn the young man and his girlfriend for their ‘sex without considering the consequences’ you’ve pointed us back on track that A LOT of people from ALL generations have the propensity of making decisions without thinking. So MANY people got married when they probably shouldn’t have; and now we live in a society where nearly 50 % of marriages end in divorce….

      Great comments

  23. Yes it could be upbringing, it could be personality, it could be youth, it could be culture. Maybe it is, in all of its complexity, simply human. When I look at the world around me I see people young and old, from different cultures, and different countries doing things that seem absolutely idiotic. Consider North Korea, for example. They need to be wearing a political condom. If age were a defining characteristic of wisdom, we would live in a different world.

  24. “what is going on in this world that young adults are so obsessed with the momentary (and fleeting) feelings of sex that they are willing to risk pregnancy when they are not ready for it at all?” Love this!

  25. when my godson’s mom announced that she was pregnant, my first question was: how the F did that happen? Of course she was thinking she’s funny and witty by replying: do you not know how babies are made?

    I just gave her the stink eye and asked her how she could get pregnant on birth control? her answer? a shrug and telling me she was never on birth control because it made her fat. And this is a grown assed woman, 29 at the time and should be wise enough to know that responsibility starts with you. If the guy doens’t have a condom, you should have one and if he doens’t want to use it, he should’t have it. no glove no love.

    biologically sex is for procreation. The fact that it’s so enjoyable is just a bonus. Too many people are having kids willy nilly and i firmly believe some people need to study and have a license before they even think of having kids.

    • Yea, 29 seems like an age where someone should have their shit figured out and shouldn’t be getting pregnant unless that is their intention.

    • exactly! but my godson is adorable… he has made her more responsible, but she still has that ‘young’ streak in her where i just shake my head and say nothing

  26. This is frustrating to me in the same way your post about the homeless man who refused a paying job is. Statistically, most women who seek abortion already have one or more child. They are also below 100% of the poverty level (I’m not really sure what that means, but I see that stat all the time, too). Most people who need access to abortion are not using it as a form of birth control. And then there is this couple, who fits the sad stereotype everyone associates with the people who get abortions. I’m in my early 20s and even I can see these kids are stupid.

    I have plenty of friends who have plenty of sex. They all use some kind of protection. There are a ton of different birth controls out there. Not all of them use hormones and not all of them have to be taken every day, so the woman has her options. The fact that the man won’t use a condom is ridiculous. Even when I was in high school, my friends who were sexually active had the sense to refuse sex if the guy didn’t wear a condom. You either wear it or there’s no sex. End of story.

    On another note, I do think there is some value in taking risks and living in the moment. That said, it should all still be planned. I might spontaneously decided to go sky diving tomorrow, but I would still make a plan around that decision. I would make sure everything was as safe as possible.

    • TK,

      When I used to lead a weekly group counseling session, every now and then the subject of birth control and STD’s would come up and the almost unanimous group response was always that the men (usually younger men) hated wearing condoms. Obviously that is only antidotal evidence since it is limited to the hundred or so men I interacted with regularly…. but it seems like its a common thing that men say. One of the commenters above also mentioned that she has heard men say ‘I hate condoms’ a lot too…….. there’s actually been a lot of studies done and the percentage of young men who use condoms is pretty low. This study in Sweden found that only 50% wear condoms.

      And I’m SO with you on taking risks and living in the moment; I have believed for a long time that people who don’t take risks miss out on a lot of things in life.

    • I know a lot of men who think it’s the woman’s responsibility to take contraception, so they don’t carry any of the responsibility. I wonder what those same men would say if they came out with a male birth control pill. They’ve been working on it and, I believe, it already exist. The pharmaceutical companies say it won’t sell, though…. I kind of doubt that. Certainly men don’t want to be stuck paying child support, right?

    • Such a good question and one that I’ve posed to a LOT of the men who have told me that they don’t like wearing condoms……. yet what guy in our country doesn’t know about child support payments; and they STIILL won’t wear condoms 😦

  27. The joys of ignoring reality are greater in him than the joy of facing reality. By the time he faces reality, there may be no joy left in it.

  28. I have four girls and my youngest child is a boy. He’s now 21 and hopefully STILL responsible. For some reason I worried more about this problem with him than I ever did with those girls!
    Thanks for visiting my blog!

  29. As an adult, it’s easy to say “Keep your pants on! It can wait.” But, let’s be real. There’s no way most of would have listened to that when we were teens or young adults. With that said, it is completely irresponsible and selfish to not use any type of protection. It highly irritates me, that people are willing to abort a baby in exchange for a few minutes of extra sensation. I don’t want to go on a tangent here, so I’m just going to end with this: The choices we make today will determine our future. So make good ones.

  30. I reckon it’s the “act first and think afterwards” or the second option that best fits the bill. I don’t know how it is in the states but in the UK and the I.O.M, the single mums etc are supported heavily by the state, even if pregnancy occurred due to carelessness, stupidity, or drunkenness; or a mix of the three. Such “accidents” are generally shrugged of as being “just one of those things”, but it’s us non parental taxpayers that end up picking up the bill.

    May I suggest one of two reality checks for the guy you were talking to. Give him some leaflets about the dangers of unprotected sex and S.T.D’s, and if the monetary reward system is the same in the U.S.A as it is in the U.K, ask him how “our” baby is. Both are akin to to be slapping someone across the face with a rotten smelly herring, and believe me, it i s a very efficacious cure. How do I know, because I’ve had the pleasure of administering both to a cocky young mongrel of a father, and boy oh boy did that wipe of his smile!

    You might like my blogpost about such matters by the way, it’s at http://bublicksblog.org/2014/01/28/accidents-do-happen-its-just-one-of-those-things/

  31. I tend to think young people today are fairly responsible.

    But then when I was growing up I tended to hang around with the worst sort of idiots, so my view might be skewed.

    I can’t believe I am talking about “young people today” I feel very old.

  32. Ya know, this post really irritated me…..I cannot stand how many people I have known, who act like this guy you were talking to: they know they’re not being responsible, not practicing “safe sex”, and yet they just don’t want to think about the consequences. It’s literally stupid. Speeding down the street at 60mph in a 40mph zone, because “well I want to hurry up and get there” and believing that somehow they won’t get a speeding ticket. When people know better, when people actively choose to be irresponsible, it drives me bonkers. I just want to grab them by the shoulders, and shake them. “If you’re having sex and not using brith control what the hell do you think is going to happen?” It’s like duh, *smacks forehead*, ya shoulda had a V8. Gimme a break! Makes you wonder if at some unconscious level, one or both of that couple is being irresponsible because they are self-sabotaging.

  33. The great thing about life is that young people ALWAYS in some area, think that older folks don’t know what they are talking about; older folks never went through what they are going through; old folks are “OLD” ewww, “old” is a nasty word for many young folks. How dare you tell me how to live my life and you don’t have a fog what I am going through.

    I agree with the person who said let them make their mistakes. Hopefully she doesn’t end up pregnant, with 3 kids tagging along behind her. Somehow the mistakes doesn’t end with one kid, but 2, 3, 4 gosh. I need black coffee:))

  34. There may very well be a reason why a woman cannot take chemical birth control- and for those suggesting IUD’s you are suggesting SURGERY. I cant defend young people for not acting responsibly, but to condem a young woman because she chooses not to aggravate pre-existing medical conditions is pretty rude. Unless you are someone’s doctor- you don’t know what’s going on with their medical status.
    That being said- I have medical conditions that preclude traditional chemical protection, and I have never had a pregnancy scare. You have to act responsibly in all things you do. You also have to support your partner. If this young man doesn’t want babies- he needs to protect himself and his partner by making better choices. Believe me, keeping it in your pants wont kill you, and if you love one another, it wont kill your relationship either. Every generation sees the same fights, and some young people make good choices, and others dont, but ultimately it is their CHOICE.

  35. “I can only think that it has something do with her parents, her family, and the culture she lives in that helps encourage her to be diligent and faithful in her life focus.”
    –I agree 100 %. Too many parents now-a-day are being selfish, unfortunately. Whether they realize it or not. Instead of taking on the responsibility that raising a child takes, they’re doing what they want to do. Raising kids is a HUGE responsibility. One that I take really seriously. I could be out and about teaching English, or getting some type of job as a bilingual. But what about my number one job responsibility – my kids. If I don’t want to take on that responsibility, I shouldn’t have kids, no?
    “the culture she lives in” –we are in the post-modern, relativism, micro-wavable era. not too many moral absolutes and ‘I want a quick fix and I want it now’. The youth of today want an ‘experience’ and it needs to feel good. Who cares what happens as a result. We’ll worry about that when it happens.
    Just my thoughts.
    =)
    Staci

  36. I am sick of hearing about people who are ADULTS making bad sexual choices. It is not hard to prevent pregnancy!!! You either are lazy or can’t think beyond the next minute if you are having “pregnancy scares.” Someone in my community is in her early 30s and pregnant with her 5th child. Each child had a different father! We need to condition our culture to be responsible about procreation and not just accept it. If you aren’t in a mature relationship you shouldn’t be having babies period! You shouldn’t be having unprotected sex period! And just so you know abortion is NOT a birth control method. Please encourage the youth around you to think ahead and not in the moment. Future generations cannot sustain this life style of instant gratification.

  37. I had a friend who was just like this while we were at university. It never made sense to me. It is almost like some people don’t realise sex leads to babies!!

  38. I remember instead the Nokia slogan “connecting people” and here we are with or without condoms 🙂
    I have been told that I’m a results of an “error” in a commmunist regim where you couldn’t have acces to pills or condoms. And whatever mom did after or before…. a life struggled to be. Do we blame each other? We, do not. Thus, this is the happy second face of a coin.
    Great work, Kenneth and some awesome comments.

  39. When I was in the Navy, there was, of course, a constant influx of 18 year old’s. I’ve definitely observed a lot of young people inside and outside the military who do not think before having sex. Definitely been there for friends through “pregnancy scares” and sometimes through full-term pregnancies! I consider it a problem, yeah. The thing is though, it isn’t about sex. It’s about a mind set, like you said, “Just do it,” and I personally see a lot of really unreasonable decisions in the money department. I know too many young people spending all of their money (and maxing out credit cards) on daily Starbucks drinks, nice purses and shoes and clothes, expensive cars, salon services, etc., but then wonder why they have no credit when they need it, why they can’t afford their textbooks or gasoline, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I screwed up with my first credit card — but I figured it out pretty quickly, and now I don’t buy stuff I don’t have a budget for. This is crazy talk to a lot of people my age and even older nowadays. Maybe part of it is that money doesn’t seem real (well, it kind of isn’t, actually) now that we all use cards more often than cash. Not a lot of people seem to wonder how their decisions today could affect their life (or someone else’s) in another year or five or ten… Scary, but what can be done? I don’t know about parents and schools, but in the military, seemingly no amount of training and informational literature and counseling could convince some people to make more thoughtful decisions.

  40. wow… you get lots of comments.
    Kids are kids… its that they are spoiled and selfishly full of themselves.
    (Its always ben this way Kenneth).
    Most of the people that you meet are just too young to have seen several generations do the same things.
    Let’s hold out hope for them anyway.
    Probably more than half will turn out fairly normal.
    Thanks for your posts.
    ~ Eric

  41. Why do you think he would take responsibility for the baby, if she gets pregnant? She could end up just one more single mom while he goes on his merry way…like a lot of guys do. It’s never a guy’s responsibility…it’s always his choice.

  42. Sigh…where to begin. I’m part of his generation of instant gratification but I also fall in line with the subgroup you mentioned–the group that makes an assessment and decides from that point. Out of all my friends, I’m the only one without a child. Therefore, I have asked my friends, “Do you guys not believe in condoms?” They tend to laugh and say “of course we do.” Out of all of my friends with children, this is the number of births that were planned: ZERO

    Why is it that I believe in protection, whereas they have sex and for some reason, “it was just that one time,” which led to their pregnancy? Why is that “one” time the most used excuse, for those not planning for a pregnancy? You cannot ask me to believe you didn’t use a condom on just one occasion. While you’re in this land of make believe, I’ll leave cookies and carrots out for Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. You can find this sense of irresponsibility in all areas of their lives; romantic relationships, health decisions, career choice and financial literacy. Great post

    • Hi Kenneth–interesting topic. After working in the social services field for over twenty years and having a keen interest in the last three generations of young men I have found out many things that this generation of parents are not interested or don’t want to hear. Being mindful that absolutes are dangerous in almost everything we consider discussing there is overwhelming evidence and studies that show an amazing and a direct co-relation to fatherlessness and/or a lack of strong and healthy male role model as being a major factor in much of the decision making process that involves young men today and not in a good way. I wrote a book (a novel really) about this very subject. I agree with much of what you are saying in this article and more folks need to pay attention to what is happening right now because what we don’t know we can’t teach the next generation. The book is called “A Man’s Work Is Never Done . . . A Novel About Mentoring Our Sons’ if anyone is interested. (Not intending to steal your thunder here)-=-JIm

  43. “Is the average young adult someone who thinks before they act?”

    Sadly, most of them haven’t been taught how to think.

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