By Kenneth Justice
“I can never actually do it because all the sex I had would come back to haunt me” she said
~This past weekend I was hanging out at a cool little coffee house in Cambridge, MA where I met a couple who had connected with each other via one of those online dating-Websites. He was in his early fifties and she in her mid-30’s, while some people might think the age gap rather extreme, to see this couple together it was clear they were very much into each other.
“So clearly you’re rather attractive” I said, “What made you respond to this guy out of the many men that contacted you on the Website” I asked
She laughed, “I don’t know, that’s an unusual question isn’t it?” she asked
But the boyfriend actually loved the question and had turned his entire body toward her, “No honey, that’s actually a great question, why did you respond to me?” he asked, entirely enthralled with this new thread of discussion.
I smiled, “After spending the past hour discussing Solzhenitsyn with me your boyfriend seems much more excited talking about how you guys met” I said. I’ve talked with countless men who use online dating Websites and many of them talk about the frustration of getting a women to respond to them via the site, “It seems like there are a hundred men to every woman and there isn’t a fair way for a guy to get her attention” I’ve heard people tell me before.
“Well actually, you’re right. I got a LOT of responses on the site. I guess what made me interested in him is that he seemed genuine. I mean, I looked at his picture and I thought he was really attractive, but when he messaged me he didn’t try to come up with a corny joke like everyone else was sending me, and he didn’t say anything overtly sexual” she said
Apparently, for the few months she was using the dating Website the young woman had received countless messages from strangers who simple expressed to her how much they wanted to sleep with her (the language was a bit stronger than that) and she always just deleted those right away.
“How long have the two of you been together?” I asked
“Just a couple months” she said, but at that her boyfriend practically fell out of his chair,
“A couple months?? Honey, it’s been nine months!” he said
The young woman laughed, “Well, it’s been so wonderful I guess time has flown by so fast it feels like it’s only been a short time” she said
It was nice to see how happy the two of them were. In his mid-fifties, her boyfriend could barely keep his hands off of her, constantly slipping his fingers into hers and occasionally brushing his arm along her own. They were in that honeymoon stage of a relationship and yet they were closing in on a year together.
“I just can’t help but notice how crazy you are about each other, have there been any bumps in the road?” I asked
“Absolutely not” said the boyfriend before I could barely finish asking the question. But the young woman stared off a bit and was obviously deep in thought. Both he and I caught her expression and me being the always bold to ask any question dove into it,
“Uh oh, apparently there’s something you want to say” I said
“Well, he never stops talking about Poland and how wonderful it is, that got old really quick” she said
Her boyfriend laughed, “Guilty as charged” he said
He had been born in Poland and was very proud of his country. In fact, the two of them were leaving in a couple weeks to spend a month in Poland together so he could show her where he was from, his hometown, and, “To convince me that Poland is the greatest country in the world. But he’s not gonna convince me” she said with a laugh.
The three of us talked for the better part of two hours. They both had so much to share about their lives and were excited to tell me their various observations about life and culture regarding the places they had lived throughout their life. The boyfriend had visited the Vatican back in the 1980’s and because of a mutual friend, he was invited to meet the Pope,
“I’m not a spiritual person at all. Actually, I don’t really believe in God. But as I stood there talking with the Pope I felt something electric, something invisible. He had a way of interacting with me that I’ve never experienced with another human being; when he looked at me it was as though I was the only person on his mind and he’d pushed all other thoughts away to give me his time” he said. Apparently this meeting was one of the highlights of his life because the boyfriend mentioned it a number of times throughout our conversation.
The young woman used to work in politics and had a promising career ahead of her, but when I asked her if she would ever run for office she got a frown on her face, “No, I can’t ever run. I had too much sex back in the day. Too many scandalous sexual experiences that would come back to haunt me if I were to run” she said.
The actor George Clooney had said something similar in an interview, his past and the sex he’d had prevented him from ever taking serious the idea of running for elected office. And it makes me wonder if we ever really take serious the choices we make in our youth and the long term consequences they will have in our life when we are ready to settle down.
Just a few thoughts as I sipped my coffee this morning,
Categories: Culture & Society