Too much sex killed my career…REALLY???

boston 1

By Kenneth Justice

I can never actually do it because all the sex I had would come back to haunt me” she said

~This past weekend I was hanging out at a cool little coffee house in Cambridge, MA where I met a couple who had connected with each other via one of those online dating-Websites. He was in his early fifties and she in her mid-30’s, while some people might think the age gap rather extreme, to see this couple together it was clear they were very much into each other.

So clearly you’re rather attractive” I said, “What made you respond to this guy out of the many men that contacted you on the Website” I asked

She laughed, “I don’t know, that’s an unusual question isn’t it?” she asked

But the boyfriend actually loved the question and had turned his entire body toward her, “No honey, that’s actually a great question, why did you respond to me?” he asked, entirely enthralled with this new thread of discussion.

I smiled, “After spending the past hour discussing Solzhenitsyn with me your boyfriend seems much more excited talking about how you guys met” I said. I’ve talked with countless men who use online dating Websites and many of them talk about the frustration of getting a women to respond to them via the site, “It seems like there are a hundred men to every woman and there isn’t a fair way for a guy to get her attention” I’ve heard people tell me before.

Well actually, you’re right. I got a LOT of responses on the site. I guess what made me interested in him is that he seemed genuine. I mean, I looked at his picture and I thought he was really attractive, but when he messaged me he didn’t try to come up with a corny joke like everyone else was sending me, and he didn’t say anything overtly sexual” she said

Apparently, for the few months she was using the dating Website the young woman had received countless messages from strangers who simple expressed to her how much they wanted to sleep with her (the language was a bit stronger than that) and she always just deleted those right away.

How long have the two of you been together?” I asked

Just a couple months” she said, but at that her boyfriend practically fell out of his chair,

A couple months?? Honey, it’s been nine months!” he said

The young woman laughed, “Well, it’s been so wonderful I guess time has flown by so fast it feels like it’s only been a short time” she said

It was nice to see how happy the two of them were. In his mid-fifties, her boyfriend could barely keep his hands off of her, constantly slipping his fingers into hers and occasionally brushing his arm along her own. They were in that honeymoon stage of a relationship and yet they were closing in on a year together.

I just can’t help but notice how crazy you are about each other, have there been any bumps in the road?” I asked

Absolutely not” said the boyfriend before I could barely finish asking the question. But the young woman stared off a bit and was obviously deep in thought. Both he and I caught her expression and me being the always bold to ask any question dove into it,

Uh oh, apparently there’s something you want to say” I said

Well, he never stops talking about Poland and how wonderful it is, that got old really quick” she said

Her boyfriend laughed, “Guilty as charged” he said

He had been born in Poland and was very proud of his country. In fact, the two of them were leaving in a couple weeks to spend a month in Poland together so he could show her where he was from, his hometown, and, “To convince me that Poland is the greatest country in the world. But he’s not gonna convince me” she said with a laugh.

The three of us talked for the better part of two hours. They both had so much to share about their lives and were excited to tell me their various observations about life and culture regarding the places they had lived throughout their life. The boyfriend had visited the Vatican back in the 1980’s and because of a mutual friend, he was invited to meet the Pope,

I’m not a spiritual person at all. Actually, I don’t really believe in God. But as I stood there talking with the Pope I felt something electric, something invisible. He had a way of interacting with me that I’ve never experienced with another human being; when he looked at me it was as though I was the only person on his mind and he’d pushed all other thoughts away to give me his time” he said. Apparently this meeting was one of the highlights of his life because the boyfriend mentioned it a number of times throughout our conversation.

The young woman used to work in politics and had a promising career ahead of her, but when I asked her if she would ever run for office she got a frown on her face, “No, I can’t ever run. I had too much sex back in the day. Too many scandalous sexual experiences that would come back to haunt me if I were to run” she said.

The actor George Clooney had said something similar in an interview, his past and the sex he’d had prevented him from ever taking serious the idea of running for elected office. And it makes me wonder if we ever really take serious the choices we make in our youth and the long term consequences they will have in our life when we are ready to settle down.

Just a few thoughts as I sipped my coffee this morning,


Categories: Culture & Society

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38 replies

  1. Wow what a nice couple. And great story. Poland does have some charms.
    And how strange is that. That the past is more important than a future.
    If we know we can do the job right and be the best at it, the past should stay in the past.

    • They were fantastic! We talked for so long that I merely gave a small snippet, they were both highly educated and had a lot of thoughts about life.

  2. Too much sex and the public office? Wow. Probably, this is an international thing. Indian politicians look shagged out

  3. I love this story. I met my husband online 14 years ago and we’re still crazy about one another.
    I think only the most focused people think of the consequences of the choices they make in their youth. I know I didn’t, nor did my eldest! On the day she turned 18, my oldest daughter began a series of tattoos that she though she’d love forever. Her feelings quickly changed about her beloved body art two years later when she decided to apply for medical school to become a doctor–a conservative career choice. Now at 26, in her third year of med school, she goes through elaborate cover-up routines with make up and clothing choices to hide her ink. She’s not ashamed of her body art, but the hospital she’s rotating at has strict rules about covering tattoos. She says about once a week that she regrets getting them.

    • Wow! I’ve heard of similar experiences with people who’ve gotten tattoos and how they have to hide them, that sucks big time to say the least.

    • I invented a sleeve cover for her by cutting the sleeves off of a tight-fitting long-sleeved tee-shirt. This way when she’s in scrubs she can cover her arms to below the elbows without having to be over-heated by an entire shirt. That saying “What you want at 18 you won’t want at 21,” rings true for her!

    • That’s really cool….. what sucks for your daughter is that I suspect in another 10 to 15 years hospitals and other professional organizations will have totally revamped their policies and make tattoos perfectly acceptable. Because the stats are showing a massive percentage of young adults who have tattoos. Thus, if she were going into the profession in the next decade she probably wouldn’t have any problem whatsoever

  4. “And it makes me wonder if we ever really take serious the choices we make in our youth and the long term consequences they will have in our life when we are ready to settle down.”
    >>> Sound Like My Dad Alert!! Sound Like My Dad Alert!! Sound Like My Dad Alert!!

  5. Bill Clinton never let too much sex stop him.from going into politics, neither did JFK, apparently.

  6. I must be naive. A woman in her 20’s had scandalous sex that could be “documented” and brought out and public to hurt her career. Well, now that sounds like a really bad movie I watched. Most often isn’t it the case that these men that ruin their political careers are doing scandalous things in their present? Where they are harassing and abusing women that are unconsenting?

    • I always try and keep my blog at the pg-13 level (even though I don’t really talk pg-13 in real life loll) so I’m not sure how to respond other than to say…..I think she was inferring more than just, uh, ‘normal’ sex w/ boyfriends as a part of her past……

  7. Too much sex & the public office seems to go hand-in-hand in my country (Lol). Lovely read!

  8. No, I don’t think we ever seriously think about the choices we made in our youth. I’ve always found that the men who talk about sex the most, get the least.

    And as to choices…………….

    ……..I must say……….I’m glad I never had a tattoo in an obvious place (or any other place). Can’t imagine how THAT might look in all the saggy bits (now that I’m over 60).

  9. I’m glad you decided to give us a bit more insight to his couple. They sounded fascinating from the first mention. I’m astonished that someone knows they’ve done things that could harm their political career since it assumes either the material as proof is available or that all the men would come out of the woodwork and tell all.
    I think the indiscretions of the young might be forgiven whereas it wouldn’t be viewed in the same light in a more mature politician.

    • I think your right that the indiscretions of the youth can be forgiven….. but because going into politics is such a public positing; perhaps some people don’t really want the entire world to know what they did when they were younger. For instance, I’ve met a few different women who were prostitutes when they were younger and eventually went to rehab and got cleaned up from living on the streets; they don’t want their parents to know about their past because they feel ashamed.

  10. How funny is it that I have always been very careful about pictures of me because “I don’t want a record of this behavior in case Mr. T ever runs for office”.

    My son was 2 the first time I said that. 🙂

  11. Politics and sex…both ways of power.
    The GOP plans to have their convention in Las Vegas next time. No need to worry. They are different from the rest of us. Nothing untoward will happen. Right?

  12. I kind of want to know why we care so much about their sexual exploits anyway. I gather it’s thought that if they cannot be morally righteous in this area then they have no business in public policy because they’ll just be morally corrupt in all areas of their life. But is that really true? Really fair? Did having an affair w/ Monica Lewinski make Bill Clinton an ineffective leader?

    I’m not saying that these actions are OK. Having an affair is not OK. But we seem so consumed with the details and judgement and I’m not sure we have the right. Many of the public who are judging have plenty of skeletons. I just wonder whether this should remain a private matter, and let their family and friends to decide.

  13. I think that not enough sex killed my so I guess sex can affect you either way. The past can be a ghost and the future is a dream. Let’s live the moment like your love birds were.Love and friends come from heart, not from age.
    Good day, Kenny 🙂

  14. I told a friend she should start a blog about the responses she gets on online dating sites. It really is disgusting. I’ve seen the few photos she has up there and she’s not showing huge amounts of skin or anything. But she gets messages all the time talking about her breasts or messages explicitly stating the sexual acts they want her to perform. I mean, do men really think they can attract women that way? She asked one guy that question and his response was “well, it worked once but she was kind of a whore.” I mean, really. The kind of woman who responds to that (while she has every right to live her life as she pleases) probably isn’t going to be the kind of person interested in a committed relationships.

    Sorry… rant over.

    On the decisions of youth, I think some of it is biological. It’s my understanding that the brain isn’t fully developed until the age of 25 or so. Parts of the brain that are still growing deal with understanding of long term consequences. On some level, we lack the ability to understand how our actions will effect the future at young ages. I just wonder how much of the impulsiveness is related to that vs. being related to personality.

  15. Wow, talk about having skeletons in the closet! This, I think, is a much bigger concern for people nowadays, with the advent of the internet; just a few searches, a few clicks here and there, and boom, you can find out things about people’s pasts. Which really is unfair, if you think about it. Just because someone has some wild experiences in college, doesn’t mean they’re still that rebellious, immature person at 30 or 40, as there were when they were 20. Plus, politics these days are all about smear campaigns anyways. I know I never could run for any kind of office; not that I’d want to, lol. Man, this post really got me thinking. Hmm….Kudos Kenny 😉

  16. Reblogged this on MsKristina85 and commented:
    My favorite blogger, Kenny really made me think. Such an interesting subject. Everyone has skeletons in their closets.

  17. “But when he messaged me he didn’t try to come up with a corny joke like everyone else was sending me, and he didn’t say anything overtly sexual.” Both of which happened to me while online dating, so I feel her. What a happy couple! I love hearing online dating success stories even though it didn’t work out for me. Good for them. 🙂

  18. Great read as usual. We give sex way too much power in our culture, just my view. We let it sell us things, we let it ruin our futures, we use it to shame and judge and manipulate. I think it’s a mistake to give it so much power when there is a lot more wrong with politics than someone’s . . . well, you know. 🙂

  19. Yeah, that keeps me out of politics. 🙂

  20. When we’re young – it’s hard to see the long term consequences – partly because youth simply don’t see beyond the next day lol. It’s also partly because we’re young and “indestructible” it’s hard to realize that one day those decisions will come back to bite us; that those decisions actually have long term effects not just ones in the immediate. It’s kinda sad that youthful decisions and having a lot of sex is something that would keep people out of office. The rest of the country is far too focused on that topic and people’s personal lives. I get it – it can show poor decision making skills, etc., but the past is the past. Now – if it happens while IN office that could be another story. Even then, there are bigger issues at work than a personal misstep. The only reason I see any reason to focus on a sex scandal is that it could be a tell-all of someone’s character and inability to lead – but otherwise it’s no one’s business but those two (or three as the case may be 🙂 ) people.

  21. Your titles are always amusing ~ my smile for the day 🙂

  22. They sounds like a wonderful couple and I hope that their honeymoon stage stands the test of time. With the proper care and attention, the honeymoon stage never truly has to end. It’ll obviously change over time, but why can’t it be changed for the better instead of for the worst? As far as considering the long term consequences of our actions as a youth…no. I never thought about that. It was all about the moment.

  23. Weird… I visited your page today and I saw the “follow” link at the top of the page (instead of “following”) and so I clicked it again… no wonder I haven’t gotten any posts from you in a while! I wonder how I inadvertently unfollowed you? Anyway, good to be back!!

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