by Kenneth Justice
~ I’ve definitely struck a chord with my recent articles about science and fundamentalism, the coffee house has been buzzing with conversation about how crazy it is that I would dare question the New Scientists, “Kenneth, you’re not a scientist!” said a dude at coffee yesterday, “You have no right to question the authority of men like Dawkins and Krauss!”
Apparently, I’ve offended the gods of science by suggesting there is a greater meaning to your life and mine. Silly me, I wouldn’t want to offend anyone, so in a grand act of contrition last night I watched an episode of Stephen Hawking’s Grand Design, after all, what better way to demonstrate my remorse than to watch a TV show produced by one of the biggest New Scientists of all; STEPHEN F***ING HAWKING!!!!
So there I was, chilling out in my study, surrounded by 4000 philosophical books in my private collection and not four minutes into the show Godfather Hawking says emphatically, “Philosophy is dead!”
What? I thought I heard wrong, perhaps my ears were still ringing from the slew of nasty emails I’d received over the past couple weeks from readers who became offended when I suggested the New Scientists weren’t really practicing good science at all…….so I clicked <REWIND> on my ROKU (and if you don’t have a ROKU I highly recommend this snazzy little device for watching Internet shows on your television) and sure as I have a male organ below my belt I heard Godfather Hawking say it again, “Philosophy is dead”.
According to Godfather Hawking “philosophy is dead” because science has replaced it as the main source of information in the universe. Who needs philosophical theorems like the Law of Non-Contradiction when we can instead listen to men like Richard Dawkins and Godfather Hawking tell us our lives have no meaning and there is no purpose to the universe.
The New Scientists are just like Captain James T. Kirk; they’ve boldly gone to a place nobody has ever gone before; not only do they have the audacity to tells us that our lives have no meaning, now they are telling us that philosophy is dead.
Dammit! I wish I had gotten the memo that philosophy is dead before I forked over my tuition payment for this semester. Stupid ole’ me, here I am working on my graduate degree in philosophy and I wasn’t even aware of the fact that philosophy is dead. So if it’s dead, perhaps I must love dead things? Maybe I should consider getting a job at the morgue where I can really work with dead dudes.
Of course, I don’t want to anger the gods of science again, I’ve done enough of that last week, one reader called my writings, “dribble” another reader said I am an “asshole”, and after reading both of their nasty emails it dawned on me that sometimes dribble comes from asshole’s so perhaps these readers are suggesting my writing is something that comes out of a rear end?
And speaking of diarrhea, if four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth person enjoys it?
Well, the New Scientists are an interesting lot; philosophy is dead, your life is meaningless, you are insignificant. Wow, for a bunch of cosmological nerdy dudes the New Scientists sound a lot like crazy philosophers rather than scientific academics. I wonder what the Klingons would have thought of Captain Kirk if he had shown up and told them their lives were meaningless…….I’m thinking it wouldn’t have fared very well for Kirk, and it sure as hell didn’t fare very well for the Klingons; they looked human when Kirk met them but holy hell when Picard showed up on the scene they suddenly looked like their faces were run over with a lawn mower!
Okay, I need to finish this coffee before it cools down, and just because I’m feeling a little edgy this morning I’m going to say something that will surely piss off the New Scientists; dear reader, there is a purpose to your life so live it to the best of your ability.
Categories: Culture & Society