The Bible Thumpers Are Back

church 3

by Kenneth Justice

~ I live in what would best be described as an urban hipster community; lots of coffee shops, lots of record stores, and a hell of a lot of dudes sporting huge beards and flannel shirts while strumming guitars.

Because of the somewhat metropolitan atmosphere, the coffee shops I frequent get a lot of bible thumper preachers who come in hoping to convert the masses. Generally the bible thumpers leave me alone, but lately they’ve been welcoming themselves to the open seats at my table and telling me what I’m supposed to believe,

The holy spirit has anointed me Kenneth, I’m supposed to tell you that you need to listen to my words” said a little dude yesterday,

Kenneth, you speak lies, and I don’t listen to people who speak lies”  said a tall dude with a porn star mustache

I try to ignore the bible thumpers because they simply aren’t interested in having any type of positive dialogue. Most of them don’t even attend church; I suppose this is because they are too nutty to sit still and be taught by someone else other than the whims of their fancy.

A couple weeks ago I got REALLY annoyed. I was on a phone call with a client, and the bible thumper with the porn star mustache kept preaching at me, I could barely hear my client over the “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, blah, blah, blah” that kept spewing from below his wispy mustache.

Can’t you see I’m trying to ignore you? Didn’t your mother ever teach you good manners” I asked

This pissed Bible Thumper Porn Star Mustache off, and he spewed some more venom that I couldn’t follow, but eventually he got up and left, and I was able to finish the conversation with my client in peace.

One of my good friends likes the bible thumpers. He tells me that “When I was younger Kenneth, I used to be just like these guys, so who knows, maybe they will mature and not be so crazy”.

To be fair, there is always the hope that people will mature. Unfortunately, clinging to hope that people will mature doesn’t help much in the here-and-now when people are acting stupid and slinging bible verses around like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.

The reality of the situation is that positive community and positive dialogue ends when crazy fundamentalists walk into the room. Does anyone think that the leaders of ISIS are willing to sit down and have a calm rational conversation about whether or not they are guilty of immorality?

Obviously, I’m thankful that the typical Christian fundamentalist isn’t as extreme as the ISIS fundamentalists in the Middle East, although I have had Christian fundamentalists a) threaten to beat me up b) hold up knives against me 3) threaten to kill me 4) and I’ve had a ton of em tell me I’m going to hell

My Uncle Bob loved to say, “Pick your friends wisely Kenneth, cuz you sure as hell can’t pick your relatives”. That’s the great thing about the Internet, many of the people I’ve met via the Internet, I have met in real life. We’ve sat at coffee together, I’ve even stayed at many of your houses……The Internet has truly been a blessing to my life because it has connected me with hundreds and thousands of people around the globe.

At the core of so many of the friendships I’ve made via the Internet is love and respect. Even when I disagree with my friends; we don’t hold it against each other and we don’t get offended. We know that it’s okay to disagree and we don’t have to thump each other on the head with spiritual books to win arguments.

Our foray into live streaming Internet TV Monday thru Thursday has been my opportunity to demonstrate the powerful way the Internet has connected us beyond mere emotions and icons in our screens. At 6pm central the many people I have met via the Internet, many of them who I am proud to call “friends”, are able to leap onto your computer screen LIVE and in HD. It’s pretty amazing what the Internet has enabled us to do here in 2015.

This is only the beginning of the advancements in this New Media; the future is exciting.

just a few thoughts as I sipped my coffee,


Check out Culture Monk TV LIVE on my YouTube channel tonight at 6pm central with Kylie, Callie, Catholic John and myself discussing Bible Thumpers!

Categories: Culture & Society

9 replies

  1. I wonder if Bible thumper mentaility is reserved for christians. Everyday, every hour of the day on TV, radio, even on my smart phone someone is telling me what I need, what I deserve, what my responsibilities are and that I need their products to live a long happy, stress free life (for a price). What is the difference? I don’t know how many times people who hear these messages have told me that they KNOW for a fact these products will make me healthy wealthy and wise. They force themselves on me via ads on my phone, while I am relaxing and watching TV, and I even have to pay to get their lies when I buy a magazine (usually 50% + advertising) not to mention the new trend of putting TVs in every restaurant and coffee house that broadcasts primarily advertising.( If I go out to dinner with someone the point is to get AWAY from the tv…)Politicians are also telling me what I need to believe, teachers in school tell me I must do this or that to succeed in life, Bible thumpers are not the only ones who hate it when you confront them…

    Anyway, so much for my rant, but I don’t think Bible thumpers are the biggest turn off in my life,,, they just blend in with all the other thumpers trying to tell me what I need… (like a car that goes from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds, or life insurance, or a new hair color, or a Carl’s sexiest hamburger, or cable tv or that I need to believe that Snowden was a traitor, or climate change isn’t real, or that Obama is going to change my life for the better) lol lol lol lol lol Thump Thump Thump life goes on.

  2. I rarely get stopped by Bible Thumpers. They’re around, but leave me alone. Maybe they sense that I’ll never agree with their versions of Christianity, so I am useless to them. I can live with this. Happily. Unlike most of the them who seem intent on finding fault.

  3. I’m usually the one trying to pint out how much these people love you and that’s why they are saying what they say but today, I’m going to agree with you, Kenneth. When I try and talk to someone about an alternative theological point I’m church and before I have even gotten my thought out they are shaking their head like a baby that won’t eat green beans, I get a little annoyed with the Bible Thumper mentality.

  4. Hi,

    I am a Christian, and I really don’t care for the term Bible thumper. I am not one of what you describe as one. I do go to church, I do mention God in my blog, because I have a relationship with God. But, I am never in anyone’s face about it. I don’t beg people to come to church, or to change their wicked ways. I myself, am far from perfect. That is why I go to church. People get called hypocrites who have drinks, or engage in “human” activities. But that is what church is for, to get right with God. And trust me, I can be judgmental or sometimes yell at drivers in traffic, and even lie. I am human, therefore I am imperfect.

    But again, I feel that being a Christian is a relationship with oneself and God. I don’t think that people that are up in your face forcing anything are providing a positive name for anything-religion, products they are selling, etc. But I can say that I would rather have a “wacky” Christian be a little annoying in their methods of preaching, versus having someone in the Extremely Radical Middle Eastern religions that burn people alive or behead folks like is happening all over the world.

    I completely get your point and think that your writing is great. But, it deeply troubles me that people in this country complain more about “Fanatical Christians” than they do about murderers and rapists that comprise so many of the groups that are killing in the name of religion all over the world. I for one would rather be annoyed by the mustache guy. Because the thing about Christians, besides Obama’s remarks about killings that Christians did 1000 years ago, they may be opinionated and want to share their beliefs but rarely torture people for not agreeing with them…



  5. I remember it said that once the Buddha received Enlightenment, it was very hard to force himself to return to the clamor of regular life in order to spread the word. The impulse was to enjoy his achieved state. A lot of ‘Bible Thumpers’ don’t feel like they have ‘qualified’.

  6. the secret to dialog with a bible thumper (as you say) and just about anybody (except perhaps psychopaths) is to be able to read between the lines and slowly strangle him in his own rhetoric. . .

  7. Did Jesus try to convert anyone in his time on Earth?
    Did He ever misused (abused) the old scriptures?

    He simply lived it and talked practically (and sometimes in parables for people at least to work on something by themselves this way to be more mature). He did not preach, though, almost everyone does it in His name. He had an authority, because He was authentic. He did the blue work, too. Actually, He did it quite long before He started His ministry with talking to God first. And second. And third…

    Anyway, what I’d like to point out, that NOONE needs any preaching and converting. LOVE is needed.
    Love, what is not centered on egoistic ideas and desires – knowingly or unknowingly. Love, what has a center far beyond ourselves and even our family. Love what embraces the world first in very practical ways.
    Then, mutual repsect, love, co-existence, and the real, absolute love could appear in a magnificent scale.

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