Parenting and Preachers who cuss me out…REALLY???

cussing christians

~In the last couple years I have been cussed out by three different Protestant pastors on four different occasions; one of the pastors apparently had more expletives he didn’t use the first time and he needed a second go-around to cuss me 0ut…..

Oddly enough, in each of those instances I didn’t cuss…..pretty good if you ask me…but don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not a stranger to using salty language!

Without getting lost in the murky details of protestant preachers who have hurled the F-Bomb at me….suffice to say I have found myself in situations that were uncomfortable for the cussing pastors; in one particular occasion I found a church leader with his pants down…..and not with his wife

More often than not when we cuss someone out it is usually because we feel insecure;

We feel insecure in relation to a co-worker or  relative….

….or perhaps we feel insecure due to someone having knowledge about our clandestine affair which would lead to a church scandal <wink, wink>

Ultimately, ‘feeling insecure’ can lead us to some pretty dumb decisions…

One of the things I’ve noticed about raising children is that as a parent you have two choices; you can choose to make your children feel insecure around you or you can choose to make them feel comfortable around you.

Many parents wear the cloak-of-all-knowingness; that is, they act like their children are dumb and that they are so much smarter and know everything about…well...everything!

If you want a sure fire way to make your kids resent you by the time they turn 15; then act like you know-it-all.

Don’t get me wrong here….of course a parent probably knows quite a bit more than their 8 year old kid….I’m not living in a world of delusion (although the pastors who enjoy cussing me out seem to think I do)…..

But, your kids are not going to stay kids forever….they will grow up…become adults and then what; do you want to have a relationship with them that is healthy or contentious?

There is a psychological phenomenon in the Western World in which many parents (especially fathers) do not want their children (especially their sons) to supersede them in knowledge and success; this usually occurs at the unconscious level but it is very real and sad……thus; it’s important for parents who act on this impulse to disparage their children just enough…in order to keep their children down….

Of course, that kind of parenting style SUCKS! But it is real and it occurs quite regularly…..

In the context of the church I have seen this occur rather frequently also; many priests, pastors, and church leaders wear the cloak-of-all-knowingness and act as though they are more important then their parishioners; these ministers place prominence on their bible memorization and theological acumen….and do you know who gets lost in the fray? The people in the church who are actually hurting, struggling, financially strapped, and more…..the minister cares more about spending 40 hours a week in his/her study glued to bible study rather than getting out of their cave and actually getting to know the real needs of his/her congregation.

You see, if you are a parent or priest….the people around you don’t care whether you know-it-all….they really don’t.

What really matters is whether you are willing to serve; I believe our greatest responsibility in parenting, and in friendship is to serve and love others; if we are alway trying to “get” from others I suspect we will find ourselves without many friends.

Its the parent’s job to sense when children are sad, when they need to be hugged and when they need to take a walk and get some fresh air…..

Its the same in a relationship; whether its your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife; if you only look at the relationship as a way for you to get something rather than as a way for you to give something….then most likely you are headed for a breakup or at the very least you are headed for a long life of misery.

Don’t say to your children“Oh…I already knew that” when they tell you something new they’ve learned

Don’t make your children feel insecure when they are around you.

Instead, make your children feel comfortable, strive to make them feel comfortable enough to talk to you about anything

As for any other ministers, priests, or pastors who want to cuss me out;

Please form one line….no pushing please, you will each get your turn to cuss at me….

While you’re forming the line….I’ll be right back…I gotta grab a cup of coffee right now…..


Categories: Culture & Society

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12 replies

  1. I’m not about to cuss you out brother Kenneth. I don’t always agree with you, and am generally more conservative in my views, but I’ve leaned a lot in reading your blog. You give me a look into the modern culture that I’m not as familiar with. For that I thank you. In fact, I am a preacher, teacher, writer, and you have more than once caused me to look again at what I am saying. The preachers who cuss you out are the ones at a loss. God’s blessings, and continue to give me your views of modern life.

  2. I can not stand foul words unless constructive criticism for improvement.

  3. Love this! I have learned with my kids to say I am sorry when I am wrong and to let them know they didn’t come with instruction manuals! To be Jesus, we must humble ourselves, including with the children God gave us to raise.

  4. Children are much more perceptive than they are often given credit for knowing. Seeing is believing.

  5. the advise, ‘dont say oh i already know that’ is a very good one. and it applies everywhere. to any situation.
    whenever i get that from someone who dont know nuts about computers and ask me to teach them…and they say this when i tell them something,it irritates the hell out of me. you may think u are giving feedback, or want them to hurry on to the things that u do not know, but dont say it.

  6. Wow, can’t say I’ve ever been cussed out by a priest! I do agree that parents need to create a healthy relationship with their kids. Their kids need to feel secure and safe.

  7. LOL! I’m so glad someone else has been cursed out by pastors. Well, actually I’ve never been cursed out by any pastors, but by a good handful of Christians. At the time it was rather devastating, but today I am more like, meh “take a number and get in line, no pushing and shoving, everyone will get their chance to unload on me….”

    Parenting is a difficult walk, you have to keep that bond going strong, but you have to standup for things too. I suppose all forms of leadership are like that. The bible provides some really good examples of what that servant’s heart is supposed to look like. One thing I really appreciate about the accounts of Christ in the bible, even when He is pointing out sin, it is generally phrased gently in the form of a question. He asks the woman at the well, where is your husband? He asks, who touches my garmet? To the adulteress he says, where are your accusers? There is no cursing there, no condemnation, and no know-it-all-ness.

  8. Actually, I’m kind of impressed that you’ve been cussed out by not one, but THREE different pastors…. But definitely some good advice here.

  9. Hi Kenneth,

    As it turns out, I just scanned and posted a seminary graduation address by my late grandfather, the Rev. Louis A. Dole, originally delivered over fifty years ago on May 27, 1960 (the year of my birth). In the address he says some things that are very similar to some of the points you make in this post. Of course, it’s from a somewhat old-fashioned perspective by today’s standards. But it’s amazing that he was saying these things so long ago.

    In particular, he insists that pastors must not criticize parishioners publicly or privately, or even in the pastor’s own mind. He also says that pastors must not set themselves up as above and superior to their parishioners. I still find this to be a breath of fresh air half a century later. I’ve seen pastors crash and burn for acting contrary to the sound advice he gave so long ago to a small group of graduating New Church (Swedenborgian) seminarians.

    Here’s the address:
    “Give ye them to eat,” by Louis A. Dole

  10. Reblogged this on My Misplaced Life and commented:
    ” What really matters is whether you are willing to serve; I believe our greatest responsibility in parenting, and in friendship is to serve and love others” Now to get those around me to see it this way …..

  11. I enjoy telling my children I don’t know. YouTube is one of the best things that ever happened to us. When my daughter asked where rubber came from I confidently shrugged and said look it up on YouTube. I was wrong and please forgive me are the most humbling words to say but I say them as often as needed. It creates an opportunity to begin healing rather that foster resentment.

  12. “Don’t say to your children; “Oh…I already knew that” when they tell you something new they’ve learned”

    That is pretty much what my mom does. Often she tells me that “I only know that because she taught it to me.”.

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