She laughed at him when she saw the size of his……

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~ Yesterday at coffee my good friend and I were deep in conversation when a group of young women sat a few tables across from us. Normally, if a bunch of people are sitting across from us their conversation disappears into the mix of all the coffee conversations, but these five college age women were especially loud and soon my buddy and I became more engrossed in one of the girl’s story.

Apparently, she had gone on a date with a guy who she met on a Internet dating site. I guess the date must have gone well because later that night the dude ended up at her place and they in the midst of…..well you know….until she found out the guy was on the small size. According to her story to the friends sitting at her table, she laughed at him, which caused the guy to be humiliated, and at that point the date was over.

Good for you girl, don’t waste your time on a small fry” said one of her friends, and their table erupted in laughter.

For the next fifteen minutes these girls obnoxiously filled the entire coffee shop with the subject of how important they believe “size matters” and finally my friend and I, and most of the other patrons, started leaving. It was an R-rated conversation they were having in public, and entirely inappropriate for the the the type of coffee shop we were sitting.

I realize that young adults have a heightened interest in the subject of sex. It is something they have only recently begun investigating. Whether merely something they’ve started to think about, or perhaps they are considering marriage, or simply have a serious relationship with someone. However, it seems to me that the focus on physical appearance that exists in Western Culture has become entirely absurd.

I run into so many different people who talk about physical looks, that if I wanted I could write an original article every single day for five years and never run out of material. Young men are constantly talking about how women look, the size of their boobs, their weight, and every other aspect of physicality. And more often than not lately, young women are also discussing a guy’s looks, and <gasp> the size of his you-know-what.

Where has society gone wrong? Why is it that more attention is given to physical appearance than to intellectuality? As a young adult, shouldn’t one be more interested in whether their potential mate has any commonsense or wisdom? Shouldn’t the ability to think logical thoughts or demonstrate compassion and kindness be more important factors in a mate than the size of their boobs or dick?

“Kenneth and Kylie, attractive people have it much easier in life” said a guest on a recent LiveStream show we recorded. Is our guest right? Do attractive people have it easier in life? Do women with attractive bodies and sharp curves have it easier than women who don’t fit the bill of “beautiful” in our culture?

I’ve often wondered if the problem is that we pack our children together in high schools. For most of their teenage years they are stuck like sardines with other young adults; and they are force fed a narrative that is simply not true. High school is a period of life when the best looking woman becomes prom queen, and the most handsome and athletic guy is the captain of the football squad. However, that is not real life.

In real life, virtue is more important than looks. Wisdom, intellect, and a good work ethic is what helps people succeed in real life. While there is an element of good looks that definitely helps people move ahead as adults, it only gets you so far. If you are a crappy worker, if you show up late, or can’t handle a conversation well, then you simply won’t get very far in life.

I don’t feel bad for the guy who got laughed at for the size of his Johnson. You see, trying to hook up with a girl on the very first date says a lot to me about the dude’s character. How much interest could he have possibly demonstrated in the young woman on a single date? How much could they have possible discussed in such a short time? Do I really think the guy cared about her as a person, or was he more interested in her as a piece of flesh? Perhaps the reason the girl threw him under the bus to her friends, was because in her heart she realized she was nothing but another “score” for that guy, and there was something in her that didn’t like that idea.

Just a few thoughts as I sipped my coffee,

Kenneth



Categories: Culture & Society

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18 replies

  1. totally and also the way people synonimize sex,sexuality and the physical,when body parts determine how much you can connect with another human being as if the process and telos of the connecting be it sexual,emotional or otherwise is not a very spiritual and immaterial event.

  2. Interestingly enough, you say you don’t feel bad for the guy who got laughed at, commenting on his character. What makes you think her character was any better than his. She was doing the same thing. Maybe he was just a notch on her belt, only she decided he wasn’t much of a conquest because of his size. Not sure where you get the idea that women are out searching for love all the time. Sounds a bit naïve to me, and unfair to men.

  3. It’s really sad that we are so disrespectful towards ourselves and others. That is what this is, whether it’s having an obnoxious conversation in a coffee shop, or scoring people’s physical attributes. We used to focus more on having good manners, practicing some tact. Just because you’re thinking it doesn’t mean you have to be saying it. There’s a kind of narcissism that has really taken over culturally, so too much of life has become really self focused.

    How we perceive others is how we perceive ourselves, too. So all those judgmental attitudes are pointed right back at you and then we wonder why so many people need anti depressants and everybody is suffering from some form of depression and anxiety.

  4. I think the reason sex is such a subject these days is because of the media. We all know ‘sex sells’ and a whole generation of kids have grown up around women and men being stripped down into boxers to sell watches. It doesn’t make sense but hell, I’ll buy one of those!

    It’s craziness. When I was younger maybe 14/15 all me and my girlfriends talked about was sex, boys and what we wanted from our first experience. I believe that I was even more interested because my parents Never discussed sex with me, I never had the ‘talk’. It just seems like the longer time goes by the more and more embarrassing discussing sex becomes, instead young men and women talk about it amongst themselves, watch porn to ‘learn’ and read stupid articles like ‘how to make him/her stay’ on the Internet. As for body image, when was the last time we saw anyone ‘ugly’ promote something on TV? Only society’s version on beautiful is ok for TV and it’s sending the wrong message.
    I would say beautiful people have it easier, growing up in my generation I was bullied because I was ‘ugly’ but the truth is, I didn’t wear make up and I almost always had my hair in a pony tail, the ‘pretty’ girl at school were the ones who wore push up bras, make up and shorter skirts. They sexualised themselves and in return they get attention.

    I don’t get it, all I know is now I am an adult (and a mother) I know I’m beautiful, in my own way. And I am already mentally preparing myself for the ‘talk’ with my kids, is never not do it. Sorry for ranting lol

  5. You can’t sell intelligence or compassion or a work ethic. You can sell makeup, clothes, cosmetic surgery and member enhancing products, not to mention anti-depressants. People who focus on a person’s nature and abilities instead of outward appearances won’t be the ones buying the ridiculously overpriced “fashions,” beauty products, sex products and quite possibly the prescription drugs and therapy. Therefore that way of thinking is discouraged by corporations and media because they think there’s no profit in it. I think it’s ridiculous that people can’t see through the marketing but sadly most don’t.

  6. With the title of this post, of course I had to read it. 🙂 it did not disappoint. My first thought was – oh dear, that girl just created a serial killer… Well, probably, not but that’s way my mind works. 2. I’m thinking about writing a post on the same issue but on the opposite side – do beautiful people have it harder… This gives me a lot of food for thought.

  7. Personally, I’ve always found that being genuine, honest and trustworthy gets you a lot farther in life than looks. Maybe because I see people’s souls before their outsides. I’ve always been that way, even in high school. I had extraordinary parents to thank for that.

  8. well said brother Kenny. looks in life will only take you so far, until they start to fade. Relationships need to be built on a sold foundation of intelligence, compassion and love.

  9. Hi Kenneth,

    It’s completely artificial that we lock away our children and young people in rooms and buildings in which almost everyone else is their own age, with only a few adults there as teachers and authority figures. Where else in our culture or any other culture are people age-segregated in this way? No wonder the schools are full of cliques, bullying and all sorts of other antisocial behavior. The only place the kids have to look is sideways to people of their own age and emotional maturity, or lack thereof.

    I hope that in the future children and teens will be integrated into adult society rather than segregated from it in cloistered institutions as they grow up. Then perhaps the achievement of emotional and social maturity will keep pace with the achievement of intellectual knowledge. That is how it worked in older cultures, and from time immemorial. On this point we would do well to take a lesson from our ancestors.

    • Yes. Totally with you. Presently home educating a teenager. Which isn’t easy to do because her friends are schooled. But the tidal wave of group think within a high school is not what I hope for her.

  10. Hi Kenneth,

    About beauty and success, it is an unfortunate but real fact of life that people who are beautiful according to their society’s standards of beauty do have an advantage in achieving social, sexual, financial, and political success.

    However, these are not the only measurements of success. For people more focused on spiritual success, which involves building good character and serving other people out of love and concern for their wellbeing, the advantage of physical beauty fades, and in some cases even becomes a negative.

    I took up this subject in one of my more popular blog posts in response to a question from a reader:
    It’s not fair that God made some people incredibly beautiful, and others just average!

    About those women loudly engaging in R-rated conversations about men’s sexual attributes, I suppose you could say, “Turnabout is fair play.” Men have been doing that about women for thousands of years. Perhaps if men hear women doing it for a while, they’ll finally start to realize how rude and disrespectful it is. Then maybe we can all move on to more respectful attitudes toward other people, regardless of their gender.

  11. sounds like he was just another score for her too.
    And turnabout is not fair play, I think. Because someone or some class is repeatedly rude doesn’t seem to me to excuse rudeness on my part. That way just leads to a feedback system in which rude just keeps escalating – as I guess it is.

  12. Sad to treat another human as simply an object . . .

  13. The two of them “hooking up” after a first? date via meeting on the internet is probably an indicator of other issues the two of them have.

    If these young women are bold enough to have an x-rated conversation like that so loudly in a public place that’s another issue. Respect is lacking for themselves as well as others.

    Maybe young people today are okay with shallow relationships and “friends with benefits” but degrading someone like that is not only wrong but if that guy has real ” mental issues” her words could prompt him to physically retaliate. Then again, she didn’t know him well enough to make that determination.

    That entire scenario is wrong for so many different reasons, I probably need something stronger than coffee to help me digest it all!

  14. Yup. I think our culture is highly aesthetic focussed. Viewing AOL while living in east Africa, it struck me that our culture’s lewdness, and even aesthetic focus, seems highly inappropriate, and definitely self-indulgent. We are a spoiled, and bored, culture. My question is for her too–what is she doing in bed with him on a first date?

  15. Hi Kenneth,
    ‘Where has society gone wrong? Why is it that more attention is given to physical appearance than to intellectuality? ‘

    I’ve often wondered this myself. And it’s not because I consider my self unattractive. I’ve experienced image prejudice because the opposite sex appear to be portrait led in their needs. I’d much rather have a man who is capable of stimulating conversation and empathy than a man is just a stereotype.

  16. A lot to think about there!

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