True Friendship


Chapter Four

(A chapter in which I find out that you only know the true nature of a friendship when conflict occurs and I find solace in a cup of coffee)

~ I was sitting at coffee a while back when I received a message from someone who claimed to be my friend. The message involved them making up lies and dropping the F-bomb at me.

The person clearly allowed their emotions (i.e. feelings) to drive their behavior, which is a phenomena that plagues Western Culture. You would think that after hundreds of years of post-Enlightenment thinking and the age of rationalism, grown men and women would have progressed beyond allowing their feelings to dictate their behavior. Sadly, logic, rational thought, and sound reasoning are skills possessed by only a few people in Western Society, and the majority of people are nothing more than little children dressed up as grown ups.

People call themselves our friends, but my Uncle Bob used to tell me “you only know someone’s true self when conflict occurs”; our true friends may make mistakes, but our true friends will not allow their feelings to lead them to charging at us like a raging bull on steroids.

Friendship is a precious commodity. It is why so many people hang out at coffee shops; such public meeting places are the last bastion of true community in Western Society. I was talking to a coffee shop dude the other day whose case worker encouraged him to start hanging out at coffee shops to find a deeper level of community. That was seven years ago and he now has daily interactions with hundreds of people. He is one of the most popular people at the coffee shop he hangs out at, yet seven years ago he believed he was nothing more than a lonely introvert, hanging out at home all day, depressed and sad.

The awful academic community creates labels for people that define them and destroy their lives. Psychologists tell people “you are an introvert” as though that is some type of universal truth. “Introvert”, “Extrovert” and other such damnable labels do not help people, but instead they condemn people to an existence in which they become trapped in the box of our depressed society.

There was a time when liberal arts education was truly liberal in the classical sense. It was a period of history when the academic community existed to help expand the thinking and minds of young adults. Western education in our day and age (with a few exceptions) has all but destroyed liberal arts education. Instead we have erected a society based on relativism and positivism which has left people feeling sad, depressed, lonely, and filled with a sense of despair and hopelessness.

Relativism led the person who said they were my friend to cuss me out. Their thinking is not based on rational thought and sensible dialogue, but instead is plagued by emotive responses that dictates their behavior like a child. True friends want to hear our side to the story. True friends remain our friends no matter the conflict that occurs.

Life is very much like a cup of coffee. Coffee is good while it is hot, but as it cools down the chemical composition of the coffee breaks down and the drink becomes very bitter. In order for friendships to remain strong, they must not be allowed to break down by the winds of feeling and emotions, for those winds if not prevented, will cool the relationship down until bitterness overwhelms the senses.

Categories: Coffee

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

7 replies

  1. The corner bar used to be a great place for the kind of community you’re talking about. That was destroyed by the MADDs!
    Personally, I much prefer a bar to a coffee shop any day! Much more interesting characters (and conversations)!
    Besides, I’m willing to pay $5 for a drink, but not for a cup of coffee!

  2. “In order for friendships to remain strong, they must not be allowed to break down by the winds of feeling and emotions, for those winds if not prevented, will cool the relationship down until bitterness overwhelms the senses.”

    This is everything, Kenneth. I’ve come to realize I often cut ties with people (friends) who don’t know when to rein their emotions– sad thing truly especially when they’re so likable.

    Thanks for another thoughtful piece. It explains why I’ve missed you like crazy 😉

  3. Love it. You’re right, friendship is a precious commodity. Some people are in your life for a reason and some for a season.

  4. Love this! I keep saying, where are all the grown ups? It seems as if so many people in the world today are in a state of perpetual offense, like indignant children who haven’t gotten what they wanted.

  5. There is a misconception these days on what friendship is.
    They should understand it is more than a thumbs up and always be nice. BUt they can’t take the conversation within this argument.

  6. Your blogs are helping me get through my missionary time in Honduras this year! The wisdom and truth that come out of your blogs are so awe-inspiring and jaw dropping. I hope that one day, I will be lucky enough to meet you in your coffee shop and be able to talk about life with you!

  7. I understand what you’re saying here and generally agree but people need to be allowed to feel what they’re going to feel, it’s just a matter of having the maturity to not let those emotions dictate everything. I agree that so many people act like children and are seriously lacking maturity when it comes to “getting a grip” but again, bottling up emotions isn’t a good answer either (granted I don’t think that’s what you’re suggesting, I’m just stating it).

%d bloggers like this: