You’ve been lied to about Women & Sex…REALLY???


~ At coffee the other day, a friend of mine was talking about the great advancements women have experienced in the area of sexuality,

Back in the old world, men used to be allowed to rape their wife; they could make their wife have sex even if she didn’t want to, and back in the old world, women generally didn’t enjoy sex” he said.

As I listened to my friend, I couldn’t help but be amazed at how brainwashed people in our day and age have become……because everything my friend was saying was totally untrue.

A typical phenomenon that occurs in most ages, is that people like to believe that their particular country or their particular era “is the best”. I suppose there is nothing wrong with having a certain sense of pride in the era that you grew up in, or the country that you were born, but unfortunately, for most people that pride leads them to buying into a great deal of rubbish as far as the truth of history.

For people born into 20th century America, there is a predominant idea that permeates our culture, it is a narrative that goes something like this;

Before modern innovations of thought in psychology and politics, the world was an evil place for women to live. Men bought and sold women as property and treated women as nothing more than cattle. Men would have sex with women and the women would just lay there, loathing every moment of it, waiting for the man to finish so she could be rid of his awful stinking piece of flesh. Women had no say in sexuality, and generally, it wasn’t until the women’s liberation movement of the 20th century that women were finally told they could get enjoyment out of sex

Of course, the narrative might differ in small details, but you get the general idea; people think that it is only thanks to the feminist movement that they have enjoyed great strides in sexual ethos…..but this is merely one big piece of hogwash that is based in the ethnocentric views of modernity.

The truth of the matter is that women by and large throughout the ages, enjoyed sex. During the colonial era of the United States, religious groups like the Puritans wholeheartedly endorsed the joys of having sex. While of course the Christians taught and believed sex should be reserved for two married people, they nonetheless believed that women should and could enjoy sex just as much as men.

Puritan women loved sex so much, that in many New England communities, studies have shown that 1 in 3 children were born out of wedlock during the 18th century. The parents had a hard time keeping their daughters (and sons) from having sex before they got married.

The examples from actual research studies on the subject of women and sex throughout history is so great, it is rather baffling that people are still buying into the lie that women in the past didn’t used to enjoy sex.

I suppose there are a number of reasons as to why people have major misconceptions about the past;

—) Because 90% of people in the past were farmers, having as many children as possible (free labor for the farm) was a big deal. So perhaps people in our day and age mistake the necessity behind sex as procreation in the ancient world as an indication that women only had sex to have children

—) As I said earlier, people tend to believe their particular country or era that they grew up in is the best of all era’s. So people living in 2016 gravitate toward believing that things could not have possibly been better in the past.

However, one of the main reasons for the revisionist history that people are being taught about  sex and women is likely due to a simple issue; women are more miserable in our day and age than ever before.

You see, with all the advancements of the feminist movement (and many of those advancements have been good!), women in the 21st century are experiencing the highest rates of depression and mental disorders than in the history of the earth. Despite the fact that more women graduate college nowadays than men, depression, anxiety, loneliness, and feelings of disconnectedness are ravaging our communities.

If you read any of the daily NEWS rags, you’ll know that you can’t go a day without reading studies that chart the disconnectedness that people experience, and how even people who are married and dating; are still lonely. Researchers have been trying to figure out the secrets to satisfying sex and they keep coming up short. Relationships these days seem to last about as long as it takes to turn the channel. Women in relationships (whether married or dating) often report very high rates of sexual discontent.

It seems like everywhere we turn, Western Culture continues to move down a path toward chaos. Nothing makes any sense.

There is of course a simple answer to all of this; perhaps we have been focusing on the wrong thing.

I would suggest that one of the great lies Western Culture has proselytized is the idea that sex is the end all and be all.

If you watch a movie, whether romance or action, having sex is one of the central themes of the entire movie. If you watch a shampoo commercial or see a billboard add, you can’t help but be bombarded with sexual images.

Our culture is obsessed with sex. We think that sex is somehow the greatest thing that exists…..and if I haven’t annoyed you yet, wait till you read my next sentence; sex is not the greatest thing that exists.

And that then is where the seeds of the lie are found; in the modern world we are taught to believe that our era is the greatest era ever, but when we look at society, it leaves a lot to be desired. Perhaps everything we’ve been taught about the past and the present needs to be questioned; perhaps we aren’t doing things right in the modern world. 

There are more important things in life than sex, and people in the old world knew that simple truth. Unfortunately for a culture that worships at the feet of the god Eros, I doubt anyone cares what I have to say…..

Just a few thoughts as I sipped my coffee,


Categories: Culture & Society

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16 replies

  1. Well put! Considering all of the options available today, it’s possible that in our times, we set ourselves up to enjoy sex less. Any simple pleasure gets distorted or submerged in overblown expectations. Our romantic relationships certainly appear to be more tangled.

  2. We didn’t all of a sudden become obsessed with sex…it’s always been a big part of humanity. In most literature including Greek stories, movies are all about love and sex.
    It’s become less stigmatized recently, and as a result people are really excited, more open about it and are taking advantage of it; most cases unhappy ending. I respect my culture but disagree a lot.
    Nice topic as usual:-)

  3. This is totally true. The way the media portrays sex and love to us is totally absurd. You either meet someone and have sex or fall madly and love and have sex; there is no in between, when in reality we know there are so many more complex relationships that exist. It’s sad because women are unsatisfied and effects the entire world, especially in Western culture where they are in charge of keeping the family together, there careers, and anything else connected to them.

  4. You see, with all the advancements of the feminist movement, women in the 21st century are experiencing the highest rates of depression and mental disorders than in the history of the earth. Despite the fact that more women graduate college nowadays than men, depression, anxiety, loneliness, and feelings of disconnectedness are ravaging our communities.

    An outstanding example of a repeated correlative-based fallacy.

  5. You’ve conflated and correlated a lot of stuff here.

    First you group two facts and a falsehood and call them all false

    1. true fact – women were for a long time considered property
    2. true fact – marriage exclusions for rape weren’t removed until the 1980s
    3. falsehood – women don’t enjoy sex

    You put the feminism movement as the cause of depression and misery for women? You’ve roughly put them in the same timeframe, but what data do you have about depression before its medical definition showed up in the 19th century. And what data do you have proving causation? Feminism in general seems implausible as a cause because it’s too broad to make a testable hypothesis. What about feminism causes depression, etc?

    You state that sex isn’t the best thing and that we’re focused on the wrong things. That’s backwards too. Advertising and entertainment are based on science. Humans don’t choose to focus on sex, we’re built to focus on sex. Our DNA are designed to replicate. The best way to replicate is to build a body that wants to get into the other gender’s pants. We are obsessed with sex because we’re designed to be. Advertising and entertainment take advantage of this fact. Of course you can make a choice, but that won’t rewire our bodies. People in the old world and the new world are wired the same.

    So there you go. I do care what you have to say (usually do). Sometimes I even worry about you! There is a lot of data out there that shows things are indeed getting better. But you’re right, somethings aren’t. If you’re going to lament that something has gone wrong, make sure you have data to prove that it’s gone wrong. Otherwise you’re chasing your tail. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

    • Andrew Furst – I think you’re being a little hard on Ken.

      You wrote, “We are obsessed with sex because we’re designed to be…People in the old world and the new world are wired the same.” Secular culture has been on a campaign now to do away with traditional sexual mores for a few decades now. People in the old world may have been wired the same as us, but they weren’t bombarded daily with ads, music, internet porn, and a political ideology attempting to break down monogamy, marital love, the maternal instinct, and the nuclear family.

      You’re right that advertising and entertainment take advantage of our wiring in order to make money, but that doesn’t make Ken’s point untrue – we are a culture obsessed with sex. The “sexual revolution” has given us some good things, but for the culture at large it’s not working out very well in my opinion, especially for children.

    • art & life notes – Apologies to you and Ken if I come off harsh. Not intended.

      I won’t begrudge Ken’s point that there are problems out there. He’s right, there are a lot of depressed people. I also don’t intend to be hard on him, beyond having him keep up with his well earned reputation for insight and sharp thinking. I honestly like Ken. I’ve been tracking Culture Monk for a few years now and have agreed with him lots.

      But this particular article set me back a little. It seemed to be shooting from the hip with bullets going everywhere. I think I made those points already.

      Where I think I might be able to soften the edges is by saying I have complete confidence that Ken can wield that sharp intellect to formulate some more cogent hypothesis on what the problems are and what might be causing them. I’m hoping he can get past the squishy rambling lamentations and push us to think about exactly what’s going on and doing something about it.

    • Your words are very kind Andrew 🙂

      Lemme try responding to your earlier comment this way;

      Perhaps I should have put in bold my sentence midway through the article, “You see, with all the advancements of the feminist movement (and many of those advancements have been good!)….”

      Also, one thing that might bring clarity is to remind people that I’m very influenced by Gandhi (I’ve read everything he wrote many times over) and obviously Jesus Christ. So as a backdrop to much of how I view the problems in our society is the same thing that Gandhi saw (and Jesus); a metaphysical crisis.

      We’ve created a culture (Western Society) that has lost an overall sense of mysticism and spirituality.

      Modern Christianity tends to be nothing more than a bunch of rules; there is no mystery or greater spiritual concepts left in much of the christian church.

      In the Educational world, movements (like the Feminist movement, and many others) believe that the scientific method and modernity have somehow given us a “better” world then the world that people used to live. Gandhi rejected this concept wholeheartedly; he believed that modernity had not brought us a better world, but instead it has brought us a more confused world.

      Thus, in my article about women and sex; it is a modern myth (and I have heard this myth propagated not just by those in the feminist movement, but in many different academic arenas) that women in the “old” world didn’t really enjoy sex. That it was only through 20th century modernity that women have been liberated to enjoy their bodies and to enjoy sexuality…..that belief is simply not true.

  6. What’s sad is sex is inexpensive compared to the immense value of affectionate companionship. I’m learning a lot as a fairly newly divorced man at the height of his power. I love sex, I know it’s important, but ye gods. And my 20-year-old self can’t believe I’ve written a word of this.

    • The height of your power is when you are 20?! That’s sad. AND you are newly divorced? Damn.

    • “the immense value of affectionate companionship” could be very lucrative for women if the world would embrace this as a legal, marketable skill set. Second…your 20 year old self is only peaking until you believe your own words— when you are older, you will find that it isn’t the sex act that determines the peak…it’s the wiser, affectionate, wielding of the sword with full knowledge of your partner’s turn ons (not just your own) that will add mountains of value to your love-making resume.

    • Oh my, no, I am not 20 years old. It was a joke. The joke is that I’m at an age now when I have a wide range of possibilities while also making more money than everyone I know–hence the “height of my powers” thing.

  7. Kenneth, If we (males,females,additional identifiers) are so sex-focused why the skewed ratio of consumption? For example, we find more strip clubs for males, more adult XXX magazines and videos for men, more escort services for men, etc…where are the profit margins for venues featuring man-candy for female consumption?

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