Pastors who talk about sex, blogging, and my new book…REALLY???


~ At coffee the other day a Pastor who had heard of me and my blog asked to sit down at my table,

I was wondering if you could give me some pointers on how to create a successful blog” the pastor said.

I explained to him that I’m probably the last person to come to for advice since over the course of the past couple years I’ve done everything wrong when it comes to the rules of the blogging game;

—) I deleted my Facebook and Twitter accounts because I got sick of all the nasty people and gossip that takes place on those social networks

—) I’m really bad about responding to emails from readers

—) I hardly ever talk about specific “NEWS” stories, and since most of what people go on the Internet to read is politics, world events, and other such stories, I lose out on a massive amount of traffic

—) And my biggest blunder of all, is I don’t talk about sex every week, and we all know that blogs that talk about sex get the highest amount of traffic

With the release of my first novel coming up on March 1st, it is kind of funny that I gave up both my Twitter and Facebook accounts because I had nearly 30,000 followers through those two accounts alone…..that would have been a nice audience to market my book to….

However, I didn’t write a book to make a bunch of money. As I said in another post, I actually wrote the book to try to convey some ideas to a friend of mine. We kept having the same conversation and for some reason he couldn’t grasp what I was trying to say……so I wrote a story in order to convey to him my thoughts on the dangers of the Internet and technology.

We all know that sex sells, but it wasn’t until a pastor out in Seattle built one of the largest churches in the United States that I realized sex sells when your a pastor as well. You see, this pastor dude out in Seattle would talk frankly about sex from the stage; he would discuss any element of sex, right down to sexual positions, oral sex….everything. In less than ten years he became the rock star pastor of Seattle and was publishing books, speaking at conferences….he was a star. But the whole thing came crashing down on the guy. A big scandal ensued; a lot of people are hurt by the pastor’s actions, and now he is in Arizona trying to start a new church in Phoenix.

In writing my little novel, I could have thrown heavy elements of sex in it to make it more marketable…..but then I thought, “What kind of book do I want to leave for my great great great grandchildren?” Do I want future generations to remember me as someone who sold out to the desires of Western Culture in order to sell more books?

I’m not condemning books like 50 Shades of Grey…not at all (although I’ve never read it). But what I’m saying is that writing a story about people having intimate sexual encounters is simply not who I am.

If you’re someone who enjoys writing or reading books like Tropic of Cancer or 50 Shades of Grey, then more power to you. As they say, “different strokes for different folks”. That is simply not my thing… makes me think about the pastor that sat down at coffee with me….maybe I’m wrong, but it seemed like he was really obsessed with becoming popular; and I wonder, should a pastor’s motivation be all about himself (or herself)? Should a pastor be motivated to speak at conferences, to be seen by people, or to have a large following?

Shouldn’t a pastor be motivated by his love for people?

We live in a lonely culture. The majority of people in Western Society are depressed, lonely, or disconnected. They don’t need rock star pastors to get up on stage to preach at them. People need pastors who minister to them through friendship.

—) People need men and women who take the time to get coffee one-on-one and talk about life.

—) People need pastors who are less concerned with preaching the Sunday sermon, and more concerned with spending time with people behind the scenes.

—) People need pastors who have a servants heart

—) People need pastors who spend the majority of their time with people have everyday conversations about life, love, finances, and dealing with the real issues that are going on people’s lives.

People actually need pastors who talk to them about sex……but not merely to get attention on stage. They need pastors who talk to them about their sex lives in normal coffee house conversations. They need pastors who talk about real life.

Let’s be honest. Church has pretty much become all but irrelevant in our society. Throughout most of Europe church attendance is all but nonexistent, and in the United States, church attendance is in fast decline. You would think that pastors would notice this trend and rethink what they are doing….but I guess a lot of pastors have big egos; they are more concerned about being up on stage than getting down and dirty in coffee houses with people.

But then again, what do I know?

Actually….what I do know, is that thanks to great work by my editor….my first book The Culture will go on sale March 1st!!! Stay tuned for more information.


Categories: Culture & Society

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21 replies

  1. I think the taboo on the subject of sex in the church comes from our somewhat Puritanical roots in America, which finds its roots in Neoplatonic dualism…that anything material is bad (or dirty). It’s swinging around though. An interesting side-note on that swing…John Crowder’s coming out with a book titled, “Money.Sex.Beer.God.” The title’s provocative for effect, of course, but I would enjoy seeing it in a Christian bookstore!
    Looking forward to seeing your book come out, too. 🙂

  2. tell your pastor friend that sex sells . . . but fear sells better . . . and maybe he should try focusing on that. Oh wait . . . he already is!

  3. I love spontaneous moment, simple,realistic conversation at coffee shop even with new people. 😊
    About the pastor: ” If you build the guts to do something, anything, then you better save enough to face the consequences”

  4. Amen! Great post. Sex does indeed sell and make you popular,but it shouldn’t be all about sex, all of the time, nor should it be all about popularity.

    That said however, something really missing in our society is frank discussions of healthy sexuality, especially from a Christian perspective. We’re living in this odd cultural juxtaposition where all sex is bad, but sex is in our face 24/7. Look at SVU and CSI, all serial killers and odd sexual perversions, or even books like 50 Shades. What is never presented, championed, desired, is healthy sexuality.

    • Well said! And if it’s not something like SVU or CSI, it’s presented as something you should stay away from like prostitution or something of that nature – there’s punishment involved to being a sexual being. The negative is all over the place but nothing positive about it. I believe it was stated earlier about it going back to our Puritan roots. The only “positive” views of sex are in advertisements because they’re trying to sell a product and at that, it usually objectifies women (sometimes men) and again takes on a sort of negative spin. I tire of all the sex sells bit. I remember a friend of mine commenting to me about what was said on that show “Mad Men,” and that using sex to sell products is lazy. He went on to say he resented that advertisers were reducing him to being an animal and only appealing to a sort of instinct and as if he’s unthinking and only reactive if you will. I remember thinking he was on to something and agreed that it’s ridiculous that there appears to be this notion that ONLY sex will sell products instead of using the product itself to sell itself.

    • I agree, people talk about sex all the time, but incorrectly!!! I believe the church should talk about sex more…but in a more healthy manner than they currently do.

  5. Rad. Most People are idiots. Lol. Thats my reluctant opinion after 40 years of trying to think there was something noble about ‘the group we call human’. I guess it comes down to if you really care about weather idiots want to read your book. Lol. And if you want to make money on it.

  6. I shoudn’t be terribly surprised, but… you’re writing a book? Holy cow! Where on earth have I been?

  7. Hope your book does well. We don’t always agree, but you do encourage people to think SERIOUSLY about serious subjects. When most people want to be entertained, it is a rare person who get anyone to stop for a moment and just contemplate the difference between right and wrong.

    • Citzen Tom, you’d probably be surprised at much we agree on…and how little we actually disagree…. in my mind, A good philospher asks questions and gets people to think, pointing people to the truth without ever force feeding them the water….to borrow the colloquialism, “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink”…that is my attitude in talking about truth with people.

    • Socrates is a good role model.

  8. “People need pastors who spend the majority of their time with people have everyday conversations about life, love, finances, and dealing with the real issues that are going on people’s lives.”

    Hello, Pastor.

  9. Dude! I’m happy you got to write a book. Are you happy with how it turned out? I’m excited to read it. We need to get together again and “hang out.” LOL!

    • considering I wrote 10 endings…and i finished the book three years ago….not really!!! Haha….but i had to finally admit that it would never be “perfect” in my own eyes

  10. first time i read your blog and… i must admit i found it when you liked my post. This article was nice to read.

  11. Ah, so much to respond and so little time 🙂 I’ve missed your inquiring voice Kenneth – somehow I wasn’t getting notices of your posts and thought you’d taken a break. I’ll be back later, as you’ve written some good, thought provoking posts, as usual. Looking forward to your book 🙂

  12. We are in the middle of a series at church about Song of Solomon. It is hard to hear a pastor talking about being gentle with doves/woman’s breasts or the streams of the mountains (a lover being ready) or even the pastor’s wife using the CL word. It’s important to talk about God’s best best plan for sex between two people in a committed relationship.

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