I’ve never had sex with a woman who was sober…REALLY???

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~ Yesterday at coffee I had a somewhat troubling conversation with a dude in his early forties who sat down at my table. The subject of relationships came up and he made a statement that I’d never heard anyone say before,

I’ve never had sex with a woman who wasn’t drunk” he said

“What? Are you kidding me” I asked

“No. I can’t imagine having sex with a woman who was sober. It would feel really awkward and intimate” he said

He went on to talk about various relationships he had been in throughout his life and how alcohol had always been a vital component of the sexual aspects of those relations.

I realize marriage has gone the way side in Western Culture, and I realize that we aren’t living in Ward and June Cleaver’s community of 1950, but have we gotten to the point in our society where alcohol is like the communion wine and bread; it is absolutely necessary each time men and women sleep together?

Of course, the perspective shared by the dude at coffee was coming from someone who was a single man. Surely married couples don’t need alcohol to sleep together….right?

“Actually Kenneth, when I was married, the only way I could stomach getting into bed with my husband to have sex was to either be drunk or stoned” said a 30-something barista to me later in the day yesterday.

I feel like the world around me is crumbling. What with Islamic terrorists trying to destroy every fabric of the Western World, and I wonder how much there is left for them to destroy. After all, in a society where men and women loathe each other so much that they can’t even make love to each other with out alcohol, what of substance culturally is really left to destroy?

I realize that for most people religion is of no use to them. But I can’t help but wonder if throwing religion to the wayside has led Western Culture down a path toward nonsensicalness. Of course, not all religion is healthy or good, we have only to look at these extremist Islamics to know the truth of that idea.

But perhaps in a world where all religion has been relegated to the ideas of dead people, we’ve somehow found ourselves living in a culture that has lost all values.

My recently released book deals with the issue of technology, community and relationships. A few years ago I was having a series of conversations with a friend about the way community seemed to be disappearing and how the technology that was replacing it was perhaps something far worse. I have a serious concern regarding the way relationships are changing so quickly in our society and the impact that technology is having on those changes.

Of course, maybe I am entirely wrong. Perhaps alcohol and drugs is merely the eucharist of this new society we’ve created and that the only thing worth doing is worth doing drunk or high…….

Just a few thoughts as I was sipping coffee,


Categories: Culture & Society

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13 replies

  1. For me, When I actually care about someone I don’t need any drugs or alcohol to be intimate with them. The times alcohol or drugs entered the bedroom were the times my heart wasn’t in it and I needed something to subdue that voice in my head that was trying to shout louder than the voice from my libido.

  2. Humans were made to worship. It is hard wired into our DNA. If we refuse one God we will find another by default. When we forsake one communion table we will find another where we ourselves are the center.

  3. Loosing your self in exchange to finding some else; weakness turning human to strangers. What’s the point of connection, love, pleasure if your wasted? Balance of life is joyful and less regrets. I may regret not getting drunk once.. Lol

  4. That is the saddest thing ever. Can you even imagine? It’s a bit like saying, “I’ll sleep with you, but it’s sure to be such an unpleasant experience, first I must take large amounts of anesthesia.” Call me crazy, but I am a romantic.

    • It was an odd conversation. I can’t print exactly what I said to him (or else I would betray the privacy of the guy) but suffice to say, I was a bit bummed out about his attitude.

    • It’s a real bummer, Culturemonk, but keep in mind that there is a miracle hidden in there too, love conquers all, men and women go right on pursuing each other romantically and hoping to find our higher selves. Somehow we manage to get it right once in a while, we figure out how to love one another not because of our flaws but in spite of them.

  5. I actualy kinda more amazed how often t
    You sit down ina public place and end up having a quality or at least provoking conversation with people. Are these strangers or people yoy knew? (Is my life so vacant? Lol )

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